Friday, December 7, 2007

A Pooh-Poohing primer

"The Pakistan manager pooh-poohed the suggestion that his players were involved in match-fixing", said a major newspaper recently. This being one of my brighter days, I found myself thinking about this. Not the part about the Pakistan manager. Saying that they fix their matches is a bit like accusing Toyota of manufacturing cars. Core business, as they say in MBA speak. No, what interested me was the "pooh-poohed" part.

How do you pooh-pooh a journalist at a press conference? I can imagine the journalist standing up and asking the Pakistan manager
Journalist: "Is it true, sir, that you and your team are actively involved in match fixing?"
Pakistan Manager: "Pooh-Pooh"

Everyone that matters, everyone who is news worthy, is doing it. Manmohan Singh recently pooh-poohed journalists' claims that his government was anti poor. Dubya pooh-poohed allegations that the US was losing ground in Iraq. Even someone as lowly as the Mumbai Police Commissioner pooh-poohed the hell out of someone for saying that the crime rate was going up.

I have therefore taken it upon myself to educate the public in the basics of pooh-poohing.

Q. Can you pooh-pooh a proposal?
A. Not unless it alleges something

Q. What is the correct procedure for pooh-poohing?
A. You wait for a journalist to ask you something. Then you stand up, face him squarely and say "pooh-pooh"

Q. Will this kill the journalist?
A. Alas, no, but if you say it right, he will wish he was dead because all his brother journalists will nudge each other when he walks into a party and say "Don't look now, but that's the guy who was pooh-poohed the other night"

I have of course only scratched the surface of this fascinating and complex subject. Needless to say, it will take months of patient practice before you achieve any kind of expertise at pooh-poohing. Longer, for a doofus like you. But keep at it. Pooh-pooh everybody at every opportunity. before soon, the world will tremble when you walk.

One caveat, though. Dont say "pooh-pooh" to someone under 10 years of age. They will merely reply "Tigger Tigger"


Ok said...

You could p-p with added effect using some nifty wrist-work. Your hand must be just in front of your nose. All the fingers together, and pointing out. It is important they point out. Else, you are p-p'ing your self. Then only keeping your wrist at the same point you move your fingers down at the first pooh and back by the end of the second pooh.

Hope that helped!

Bhel Puri & Seekh Kabab said...

LOL, funny post. Pooh-pooh is so much funnier than saying 'load of crap' or nonsense. Although hogwash and balderdash come close.

Maddy said...

To express contempt for or impatience about; make light of: That is what the dictionary says. perhaps the bigwigs were impatient that it was not happening quickly and as desired??

Vidhya said...

Hi Narendra, I came across your blog by chance... and am glad I did, cause your post brought a smile on my face, especially after the crappy week I had at work.

I might just use your "pooh-pooh'ing" ideas soon, you see its much easier to do so especially over the telephone and if the person you are pooh-poohing is not in the immediate vicinity... and if things get worse, you can always blame it on bad telephone lines.. LOL.

Drenched said...

Hahahahaha! I couldn't help reading all these posts after that sourus grapus one.
And thanks for the tutorial in pooh-poohing. I'm going to use it instead of yelling uninteresting stuff like, "This is nonsense" or "No comments" or even "Load of crap". Pooh-pooh has a certin kind of cutting egde to it. =D
And if a 10-year old replies Tigger Tigger, I'll tell the little bugger to go revise Winnie, The should be Piglet Piglet 'cause that's Pooh's best buddy. Hmph.

Chethana said...

Heheheh - can't tell you how amusing this has been. If 'amusing' is want I am looking for.

Arnold said...

All this reminds of that that scene from Blackadder (Season 4 - Blackadder Goes Forth).

Here's the link if you haven't seen it before.

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that's one way of squashing a rumor :)