The plot to assasinate Hitler

A little known plot to kill Hitler has recently come to light.

General Wolfgang Hoffenstrotengrottenstrader of Hitler's Northern African command devised an ingenious method of doing what he felt was the only solution to the madness in Germany. His plan was to let loose wasps or bees to attack Hitler, the idea being that the poisonous stings would kill the fuhrer, he being a total wimp, and even if they failed, no one would know.

In the secret discussions leading up to the plot, the eminent biologist Ludwig van Borstencroftrendstrhratthenburg pointed out that bee stings might not be strong enough and proposed that European Hornets, vespa crabro, were the best choice because they were the most toxic and aggressive. However, Hoffenstrotengrottenstrader refused to heed his advice and the Fuhrer escaped with a few stings at unknown locations (Ms. Braun was heard to ask the Fuhrer if he had coconuts in his pockets or was he just happy to see her, but historians have refused to draw conclusions)

Anyway, children, the take home message here is that Hornets is the Best policy.

Little Known Facts #2 - The US Olympic Relay Team and Hu Jintao

In an interesting revelation, Judge Charles Carter Lee, Chef de Mission of the US Olymic contingent to Beijing, told reporters that Hu Jintao, Paramount Leader of The Peoples Republic of China, the country best known for its intellectual freedom and supply of finely crafted products to Messrs. WalMart of Arkansas, can speak fluently in the colloquial "English" spoken in the United States.

Hu, a keen follower of American Sport, especially Track and Field, asked to be briefed regarding the US delegation to Beijing, concerned that simmering discontent over his country's sensitive and democratic handling of Tibet might affect participation in the Olympic Games.

Judge Lee, who speaks Mandarin Chinese fluently, went to the Great Hall Of The People Who Did Not Perish Under Chairman Mao to meet Hu. After the usual diplomatic preliminaries, ("The United States of America respects the Territorial Integrity of China and recognizes its inalienable right over Taiwan, Tibet, Xinjiang, South Korea, The Japanese Kuriles and eastern Alaska. Oops, and Great Britain and Northern Ireland") Hu asked about the sprinters, and requested Judge Lee to speak in "English", though he himself replied in Chinese.

Judge Lee confessed that while the US sprinters were still among the greatest in the world, they were being outclassed by the Jamaicans, especially a young lad named Bolt. Even in the 4x100 relay, things were far from certain.

"The team composition is a bit weakened." Lee said. "The men are running without Dix"

A rattled Hu is reported to have told Lee "You've gotta be shittin me!"