Sunday, March 20, 2011

Just a chronicle of things happening to me at this time. Same old.

It feels strange to be writing a post after all this while. The Shenoy household has been going through several crises these last few months.

First it was the "You're always on the computer" crisis. The missus arrived at the conclusion that you, dear reader, were stealing her dear husband away with enticements of badinage. I pointed out the obvious flaw in her argument.

"Sweet, be reasonable" I told her. "Nothing would induce the dear reader" (still you) "to touch me with a barge pole, considering that he or she is a discerning person, leave alone steal me away".

"Shut up Naren". The missus belongs to the rare breed of people who can tell their spouses to shut up as part of the same argument in which they (the rare breed of people) are complaining that they (the spouses) are not talking enough to them (the rare breed of people).

The upshot of the whole thing was that I was not allowed to use the computer, except as a paperweight, in the time that I was at home.

I can take the rough with the smooth. We are philosophers, we Shenoys are. Putting on the brave front, soldiering on in the face of adversity.

I started using the computer in the loo.

This lasted about two days and we had another one of those painful interviews.

"Do you want a divorce?" asked the missus.

Considering that, with the possible exception of my mother and my maternal aunts, everyone agrees that I am a plugugly best not seen first thing in the morning, my chances of ensnaring another, even a tenth as charming as the missus are pretty close to zero, I replied in the negative.

"Very well then, my little teddy bear. Stay away from the internet"

And so it has been. I do snatch a few moments of internet in the time that she is not watching (as is the case now) but they are always moments of trepidation.

The second crisis is "The Boys Growing Up" crisis. My little boys, the apples of my eye, are now 16 and 14 respectively and have acquired much sass and attitude. They give BackChat. And even worse, they make Jokes.

The backchat itself is quite entertaining as long as I'm allowed to watch from the sidelines. It's the Jokes that puts me on the spot every now and then.

Apparently she caught one of the lads chuckling to himself and put him under the lights. He told her that the joke was something his brother had told him. Here is the joke in its entirety.

He: Let's have magical sex

She: It sounds wonderful. How do you mean

He: We have sex and you disappear in the morning

I have to admit that I laughed. What else was I supposed to do?

"You boys are all the same. Tasteless jokes. That is not a good thing for teenage boys to talk about. I want you to give them a dressing down"

And so I look forward listlessly to the prospect of ticking off the boys for the aforementioned transgression, knowing deep in my heart that they're laughing at me. And to make matters worse, they're not even afraid of me. They've never been.

You know why I like Airtel Customer Service? I'll tell you why. I can't yell at my customers. They'll stop giving me business. I can't yell at my suppliers. They'll stop giving me material. I can't yell at my employees. They'll just find someplace else to work. I can't yell at the missus. I don't know what will happen but I can't. And the boys? They just laugh when I try to yell at them. So I call up Airtel Customer Service whenever I have a problem with service and they listen to everything. They apologize for everything too.

"I'm getting very poor signal quality"

"We're extremely sorry sir. Let me look into it"

"I have IMPORTANT calls to make and your signal quality is VERY poor"

"We're extremely sorry sir. We'll look into it"

And so on, for the next five minutes or so. I keep letting off about signal quality and they keep apologizing. Extremely therapeutic.

There it is then. My deepest confession on da internetz yet. And between you and me, there are days when I complain about the signal quality when there is nothing wrong with it.

Isn't that depressing?


Anonymous said...

March 20 is the first post for 2011? Very bad. Hope to see more :-)


Adithya said...

Welcome back.... been too long.. :)
N we'll petition ur "Missus" to allocate more time for u to spend on the net :)

Amrith said...

Hahahha! Hahhaah!
This is just brilliant!
Please do write more often, sir!

Vikas P Goel said...

Very well written, haven't read a better post this year.

Giribala said...

Wonderful :-)
Owning a dog is also therapeutic. You can yell as much as you want. It will always wag its tail.

Aquatic Static said...

True story: I was a tech-support person in a call centre once. I would commit major outrage against this post if I wasn't so busy laughing. :D

Not Specified said...

Good to hear from Mr.S after such a long time!! Please keep writing.. !! more often...

Anonymous said...

Brilliant Mr. Shenoy.

Now you and the boys can share brilliant jokes. Enlighten them about the good jokes.

And, for God's sake, write more often.

Pitu said...

HAHAHA! Genius!

KS said...

Wonderful post!

... same to same; my ordinary story only! ... same one wife, same two sons ... same, everything ... in my case not airtel tho; but vodafone


Chethana said...

Awww, Mr.Shenoy. Welcome back, however briefly.
Very strategic of you to choose Mrs. over internet.

Praveen G K said...

Fantastic post, Mr. Shenoy :-)
Enjoyed your first post of the year!

garfieldworks said...

I remember how my first 'tasteless'jokes were told to mom. She'd just blush and give a mortified smile and tell me not to tell them to my younger sister

sai kumar said...

wow super post shenoyn sir... was truly worth the wait... would like to thank your missus for keeping you away just to see such an amazing post... :)

sathya said...

First off, the magical Sex joke was hilarious!! It is sad that the mothers dont really appreciate genuine humour when it is dished out.
I wonder if you have ready John Mortimer (Horace Rumpole. He calls his wife "She who must be Obeyed" I guess that is the best way to describe most wives!!!

Raji said...

Are you trying to palm off your laziness on your missus:-)The joke was hilarious

narendra shenoy said...

@Bhel - Aye aye, sir! :D

@Adithya - Good old signature campaign. Please, try something along those lines :)

@Amrith - THanks!

@Vikas - Thanks!

@Giribala - True. Dogs are the most unconditional lovers in the world, no?

@Aquatic Static - Ah, you've seen it from the other side of the fence then. Respect!

@not specified - Thanks!

narendra shenoy said...

@jatkesha - Thanks! Actually, those jokes invariably get me into trouble. I must stay away...

@Pitu - Thanks, ma'am!

@KS - :) Vodaphone! Wonder if they're better listeners than Airtel

@Chethana - Smart choice no? I possess wisdom beyond my years :)

@Praveen G K - Thanks!

@garfieldworks - Lol! Kindness personified.

@Sai Kumar - Thanks!

@Sathya - Hahaha! "She who must be obeyed" is the perfect description! Rumpole for the win!

@Raji - :) Perceptive. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

hehe...what a wonderful post!
Please write more Sir!


ganpy said...

The longer you stay away from computer, better the chances are for you to come out with a gem of a post.

Brilliant one this is and I am sure Sir Pelham must be breaking a smile from above..

RamMmm said...

Hilarious indeed, being pushed to a predicament. :-) My household is just about close.

I was chuckling to myself at the post while saying I am doing office work at the laptop and missus saw it, came, read the post and gave me a 'See!' smile.

Would love more of your posts like these (but hey, there are always your archives)

Deepak Gopalakrishnan said...

So YOU'RE the bugger who keeps complaining about network, even though I've sent a team to install three towers on your building and nearby areas.


-An Airtel Customer care executive who is obviously too lazy to sign out of his Google account hence giving it all away.

neeraj said...

As long as you aren't the source from where the boys get their jokes, the missus might not discard you.

We do need to cajole her into giving you some leeway in roaming around the online domain, for you do write well.

One day those boys will look back at this piece and think what a 'cool dad' they had.

Impulsivator said...

Bwahahahahahaha! With the exception of two blogs, I don't think I've enjoyed reading a blog so much in ages! Kept me hooked. I didn't want it to end!

Really lightened me up! :D

Brilliant. Keep them coming :D

Toyin O. said...

That is quite a funny post, thanks for sharing:)

Nav said...

naren saab.. nearly 3 months!perhaps the longgest break is it? what sort of bribes does your missus accept to allow you to blog more often.. hope the next post does not take as long as this one took to come by...

Yatin said...

Nice one Naren saar..
You say it's the missus but i'm guessing you were waiting for the humour to ripen with the heat i'm sure it does in a day's expecting some ripe humour from you and often..

Saumya said...

Oh...therapy was just hilarious!

Ram said...

What-Ho, Naren

Topping, what?


Rahul said...

Well, i am the proverbial loser who thinks that he is a libaility for everyone - family, wife, friends, employer etc etc. the result has been a total lack of motivation and absolute loss of self esteem. if you want i can give you my number and you can blast me off anytime you want. i will derive pleasure from the fact that i have made somebody less miserable.-)

Anonymous said...

March 20 is the first post for 2011? Very bad. Hope to see more :-)

Manish Chandra said...

chanced upon your blog. good read :)