Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Windows Vista R in a circle

Computers and I used to get along very well in the 80s and part of the 90s. We understood each other very well. I, for example, could clearly visualize how the stuff that I typed tunneled its way through the little wire that connects the keyboard to the big box, on to the main processor which would chew on it carefully, digest its meaning and then spew out its reactions.

On some days - and don't we all have those - it would be in a foul mood and just say "BAD COMMAND OR FILE NAME" but most of the time it would just burst into a spreadsheet or word processor and all would be well. I would then type those "Dear Sir, Pursuant to our telephonic conversation of the 18th instant, I beg to draw your attention to..." kind of letters so popular those days.

If you wanted to spell check it, you'd have to select whatever text you wanted to spellcheck and then press "Ctrl" plus a few alphabets. Only then would any misspelled words be highlighted . It would not show any daft suggestions like now. "Narendra" would not automatically become "Clarendon" or "Kendra's" and "Shenoy" would most certainly not become "Phenotype", as it does now. Phenotype! I ask you! I have no idea what a phenotype is. Sounds like some kind of a psycho to me. "Psst! don't look now, but that guy with the shaggy hair is a raving phenotype!" We haven't had a phenotype in the Shenoy family for 57 generations!

As I was saying, I could understand the computer pretty well and the computer on its part understood me perfectly. It understood, for instance, that I was the proud kind of guy who would never beg anything of any body, leave alone the attention of some low-life whose telephonic conversations I had to pursue. The computer knew that it was just a matter of form. And if the computer guessed that I was an idiot, it maintained a dignified silence. It did not produce an "assistant" who rolled its eyes and behaved like a patronizing know-it-all.

Ironically, and this is where I put my most original observation that there is no justice in this world, the less people understood the computer, the richer Bill Gates and the software clan got. After a succession of bug-fests called Windows this and that, we now have a magic wand called Windows Vista R in a circle which, according to Bill Gates and his henchmen will make your business succeed like billy-o. The customers will walk in, according to these guys, and as soon as they realise you have purchased Windows Vista R in a circle, they will emit howls of joy and give you lots of business. Really! They must think we customers have water on our brains! (In my case, they're probably right but discerning people like yourself? No way!) Get more out of your Windows Vista R in a circle, urges Bill. Yeah sure! You know how Bill gets more out of Windows Vista R in a circle? HE SELLS IT TO IDIOTS LIKE YOU.

P.S. It has just been brought to my notice that Windows Vista R in a circle is actually not Windows Vista R in a circle but Windows Vista TM. Perhaps Bill thinks this makes it look less stupid.

7 comments:

Lakshmi Bharadwaj said...

Mr. Shenoy, guess what? You have aqquired celebrity status in my home. Thanks for that comment on my blog, Grandpa called up all the way from mysore to ask who this person was who wrote such nice comments in a humorous manner. You really cheered me up! :) Of course, I've devoted my time promoting you, not that you need promotion, you are naturally a wonderful writer, but if someone drops by, gets board of all my emotional chatter, I always advise them to switch over to Mr. Shenoy's blog. "You should really check this guy out, he knows stuff." Of course, all of them LOVE your blog. So, the next time you drop by here, don;t be surprised if someone asks for an autograph! :) By the way, I finally came across something I know and you don't. A phenotype! I've spent half my time mugging it up for genetics. Thats
'the visible external charecterstics of an organism'--like tall and short, see? It would be a shame if I didn't know, because I'm planning on continuting genetics next year! Thanks, Mr. Shenoy!

Praveen G K said...

All said and done, Mr. Shenoy, Microsoft really knows how to sell its ware :-) The common man still prefers windows to any other OS. You know what? I don't know whether I am an idiot or not, but I do have Vista :-)

narendra shenoy said...

Lakshmi, I'm glad to know that 'phenotype' does not mean anything derogatory. My computer's insistence on replacing Shenoy with "Phenotype" was making me ever so suspicious!

Jokes apart, genetics is a really fascinating subject. Buy yourself a book called "The Survival of the Sickest" by Dr. Sharon Moalem (available at www.indiaplaza.in for 250 or 300 rupees). His topic is that we shouldn't have hereditary diseases because evolution theory says these genes should be wiped out. Why then do we have diseases like hemochromatosis, cystic fibrosis, diabetes and so on? The answer is that the genes for these diseases have helped the human race to pull through some real tough situations like the plague, tuberculosis, the ice age. There's a lot more, worth a read if you are interested in genetics.

I'm glad you're back to your old self. As the old saying goes, she who can laugh at herself has a lot to laugh at.

Praveen, in my opinion, all idiots have Vista. The converse is probably not true, possessing vista does not automatically confer idiot status. You may have to try harder. But seriously, I am totally unimpressed by Vista. Its too sluggish.

P.R.E.E.T.I said...

nothing ordinary about this one...nice :)

Maddy said...

i will stick to commenting on gates this time - having lived through dos, 95, nt, 2000, 98, me and now XP. I am >< close to buying the next which is vista..I am weary man, when i started, we had a word processor software called pfs. It took just 1MB and worked fine...

How we work so hard to make life so difficult!! and pay for it!!

Know what! there is a method in all this. To get an idea how an idea gets built into a hype, check out how donny rummie did it!!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/10/31/AR2007103103095.html?hpid=topnews

Cleaning Service Oklahoma City said...

I'm not too sure about Vista R...not yet anyway...

house cleaning fort worth said...

...the jury's still out on Vista R.