Monday, September 21, 2009

Sunday morning blues

Sunday mornings are usually very sedate in our house. Today is no different. I have woken up a full hour before the rest of the house, unlike the others who are sleeping in late. One reason for this is that I have a finely tuned  body clock. The other reason is that if I do not get out of bed at 6, I'm going to have to poop in it, thanks to the afore mentioned body clock. The missus finds this very irritating, because I am forever slamming doors, stumbling over randomly scattered soccer balls and wandering around like a blind bat looking for my spectacles, without which, optically disadvantaged as I am, I would probably go in the broom closet. She mumbles some words of recrimination and goes back to sleep mid sentence. What the hell, it is a Sunday morning!

A few hours later, when the household is up and awake, and humming with action, I am accosted by my children. The elder one makes an observation about Eminem. Perhaps a word of explanation is in order here. The kids are inordinately fond of rap music  and its practitioners. People like Eminem, Fifty Cent, a gentleman named- I kid you not- T-Pain, and many other worthies who wish to influence the world through their hair and tattoos, instead of mundane things like wisdom, courage and intellect. As I was saying, the elder one makes the observation that, should Eminem convert to Islam, he could call himself Muslim Shady. I go "huh?" at him in the way only a doofus father can. He explains that Eminem, for reasons best known to him, calls himself "Slim Shady". Muslim Shady was a play on Slim shady.  "It was a joke, Annie!" he tells me, with a sad look in his eyes which clearly reveal his estimation of the hopelessness of the older generation.

Younger son is studying. I'm pottering about in the living room, trying to get the TV started with the remote. Missus watches in serene amusement for about 5 minutes and then points out that I am using the cordless phone. "Try using the remote. It works really well with the TV, though I don't know why that should be so". She revels in these kind of shots.  I give her my coldest "Dignified Silence" look, completely wasted on her because her mom has called up from Mysore and they are exchanging very sotto voce remarks about something. This means
a. Someone is getting divorced
b. Someone is getting married
c. Someone is having a child
d. They are discussing the latest Chinese GDP numbers.

Ok, perhaps not 'd.'

Anyway, I digress. I was talking about the younger son. With his mom in a long conversation over the phone, he is like a political activist just released from prison. Brimming with things to say, if you know what I mean.

"Annie" he goes, "is reproduction a bad thing?"


"Ask your mother. She'll be happy to tell you." I try to slink away, but he's not having any of it.

"I'm asking YOU"

"I, er, no, not  really. I mean, reproduction is, like, very necessary for life. But of course, we don't discuss it very openly er.. er.. "

"Why not?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Why don't we discuss it openly?"

"Well, I think... that is... I think your mother would be better placed to answer that."

"She's going to be on the phone for an hour, you know. That's grandma on the line."

"I know." Sigh. "Ok, why are you asking me this NOW?"

"Well  it says here, in this textbook that I'm reading that 'reproduction in any form is expressly prohibited' "

Rascal.! He was stringing me along. I try to clout him one on the side of the head but he's like Muhammed Ali, dodging and weaving around while I get shorter of breath.



Shruti said...

wheee!! next time onwards, always think what the other meaning could be! :)) kids kids!!

indiegurl said...

i LOVE LOVE LOVE how they call you annie! You are SO annie!

and your younger son is very hot. if he were slightly older.... hmm..

Cynic in Wonderland said...

you should get your kids to start a blog. wait they probabaly HAVE a blog somewhere.

Rithish said...

Conversations between your Kids & You remind me of Calvin & his Father. :-D

Anonymous said...

Kids are your type, surely. As far as reproduction is concerned, make sure they know the anatomy first. My son once asked, seated next to me in an airplane, hands sleepily straying on my crotch, "Why is your rectum so hard?" That is hard to explain. Anatomy first, reproduction next.

narendra shenoy said...

@Shruti - Yeah. One lives and learns. Actually, most of the time I don't seem to learn on a permanent basis

@indiegurl - Yes, Annie is a sore point. Especially when they call me that aloud in malls and other public places. People give me the look.

@cynic- They are not allowed to, by their mom, on the grounds that they spend far too much time on the computer as it is. It is a matter being actively agitated by them.

@ritish - I might be wrong, but they evaluate me pretty lowly when it comes to brains. Parenthood!

@rambodoc - LOL! I'm actually worried that they know both the anatomy and the physiology better than I do. They go to a stateboard school and are familiar with more words for the reproductive organs than Mr. Roget lets on in his thesaurus

SRK said...

The firs thought that came to my mind on reading the title was "you mean, Sundays have mornings?"... aah, the joys of bachelorhood!!!

and yeah, your kids rock! or rap!

Ram's back said...

Whats with the Annie bit? Does it mean Dad in Konkani?

Juggler said...

The second son seems to have rare talent when it comes to keeping you on your toes!

Amen to SRK :-)

narendra shenoy said...

@srk - I remember the days when I too could sleep at will. Ichcha-shayani, like the "ichcha-marani" Bhishma. All gone, damn. Now I wake up at 6 whether I want to or not.

@ram - Father, in Konkani, is "Anna". My kids, aided and abetted by their mother, remorselessly anglicised this to "Annie", despite my active protests. And now it has stuck.

@juggler - The younger one revels in pulling my leg. Well enjoy your sunday morning sleeps-in, you disgustingly young people!

What's In A Name!? said...

haha, the smart kids!

you should've said, "reproduction without "permission" is a bad hting"


narendra shenoy said...

@what'sinaname - LOL!

maxdavinci said...

I live just off 8 mile rd, incase the young bambaiya rappers ever wanted to visit!

Arun Sundar said...

I, while in 7th grade, asked my 'so-well-read' classmate how does this reproduction work. He said all I have to is to get married and on the first night, touch my wife's cheek, switch the lights off and go to sleep. A baby will be born in 10 months.

The genius he was, grasped so much from the erstwhile tamil movies.

buddy said...

papa sher, beta sawa sher :D

mentalie said...

and i thought your son called you annie because of your naivety :) i almost died laughing over your post, first line to last. and then i read rambodoc's belly hurts!

Sid said...

LOL! Political activist released from prison :D

And Arun Sundar's classmate's knowledge is funny as well. Then there are also hero-heroine see each other and flowers giggle, pigeons chirp...

What was that about Chinese GDP!

le embrouille blogueur said...

Haha ..... you and my son share the same alarm I guess ... only in his case ... he actually does do the needful in bed .... you can tell your son that he has a fellow fan of Shady ... lol !!!

Ram's back said...

That's incestuous. "Anna" means elder brother in tamil.

Pooja said...

Adding to the rapper trivia - he's actually called Fitty Cent. Methinks that maybe it's a new genre - lisp rap.

As to hushed phone gossip - we totally dig the weekend family calls too, lol...

Vanilla Fierce! said...

LOL @ muslim shady :)

Absolutely Normal Chaos said...

Muslim shady, huh? Smart kids you got there! I'm reading this and thinking -- wow, that's probably what Dad feels when I tell him about Twitter. Sigh. Parents.

I normally never get around to reading long blog posts, considering my lack of patience. But this one kept me going! Some great humour in there!

Drenched said...

Hahaha! I love this Annie habit of your kids! :D And your younger son's reproduction talk reminds of this common joke in which a little boy comes home after his first day at school and asks his mother, "Mum, what's sex?" The mum gives him a detailed explanation covering all aspects of the subject. When she has finished, the little boy produces an enrollment form which he has brought home from school and says, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

Rahul Rao said...

I just learnt the meaning of Sotto Voce. Thanks, Mr. Shenoy.

Deepak Gopalakrishnan said...

You should seriously consider releasing an anthology of your posts as 'Families for Dummy 42 year olds' or something, Anna! :D