Friday, September 25, 2009

Ashutosh Gowariker and his part in my downfall

We, the kids, missus and I that is, saw "What's your Rashee?" today. Just returned 15 minutes ago, in fact.  I am therefore dutifully filing my serious critical evaluation of the movie for the benefit of keen students of cinema who are doubtless reading my erudite blog for illumination. 

The story is about a gujju guy who comes from the US to India to get married, and has to choose from 12 girls, each from one zodiac sign.  And since I'm too exhausted to type out the story, and since you can easily read it on the net, and since it's mostly long and complicated songs anyway, let's take it as read. OK? Thanks.

I enjoyed the movie, of course. I thought Priyanka Chopra acted marvelously. I also thought Harman Baweja acted marvelously. I told the missus that. She gave me the look.

"You ok, buddy?" she asked me.

"Sure. Why?"

"Harman Baweja couldn't act to save a dying grandmother. Harman Baweja makes Akshay Kumar look like Naseeruddin Shah. You can't be serious about his acting".

"Come, now. You're prejudiced. I thought he was just the right shade of innocence and savvy combined."

The missus rolled her eyes. For once, she had the heartfelt support of both the kids. The younger one usually takes my side but this time he was very upset.

"I would have stayed at home and studied the chapter on the United Nations" he said, referring  to a funfilled chapter in his Civics textbook which tells you all that you ever wanted to know about UN resolutions and the veto power of the security council but were afraid to ask.

Missus gave me the "see? didn't I tell you?" look. And well she might, because I was really taken aback. This was a strong reaction. Gautham declaring that he'd study rather than do something is complete damnation of that something. His hatred for textbooks makes Israel Palestine relations look like Portuguese love sonnets in comparison.

"And the songs were too many and every bloody where" Vyaas, our resident music aficionado piped up.  Further strong stuff.

But I pigheadedly continued to defend Ashutosh Gowariker. "He is a fine filmmaker", I told  the brood.

"When he lost his hair, he must have lost his mind with it",  Vyaas said.

"Hush" said the missus with a barely suppressed giggle. "Annie's losing hair too".

"Hahaha" said Vyaas, exhibiting none of the spirit that, to take a random example from Hindu mythology, Sravana exhibited towards his father.

"Annie, is hair singular or plural?"  asked Gautham.

"Plural of course"

"Then Vyaas, you should say 'when he lost his hair, he lost his mind with THEM', shouldn't he, Annie"

"Er, I don't think, that is, it doesn't seem to sound right. Ask your mother", I said

"You're the blog writer. YOU tell me!" she retorted, hitting that full toss to the boundary

As often happens in family conversations in the Shenoy household, I was conscious of a swimming feeling in my head.

"We were talking about the movie, people" I tried to recapitulate.

"If you hadn't forced us to come, we would have been watching cartoon network now" said Gautam, ruefully.

"We hate you Annie!" They didn't say this aloud, but I could almost mind read.

Damn you Gowariker. All your fault.


Absolutely Normal Chaos said...

Aw, look who got cornered! :) But seriously, Harman Baweja tries too hard to be like Hrithik Roshan and ends up being nothing. Not even nobody. Nothing.

Made me laugh again. I think I'm coming back regularly! :)

Bhel Puri & Seekh Kabab said...

Dude, you always seem badly outnumbered. Why don't you get a dog - maybe he will take your side.

Bea Walker said...

You gotta bring your A game Annie - those kids of yours are serious trouble already :) not to mention much fun as they trip you up :)

amreekandesi said...

haha! I think i need to see this movie ;)

le embrouille blogueur said...

First off ... UN is a wonderful read ..especially if is read under dim lights after a heavy meal of rice and dal....secondly ...why are you losing hair Naren ... is one of the reasons - reactions of utmost disapproval from Mrs. Shenoy .... laughed out loud from behind the cubicle walls ... !!!

Siddharth said...

Harman Baweja makes Akshay Kumar look like Naseeruddin Shah! You mean his plural hair?

Portuguese love sonnets !!! ROFL!

Ram's back said...

I think I am going to ask this when I interview.

Is hair singular or plural?

Idling in Top Gear said...

Brilliant stuff from the young Shenoys as usual. I am gonna watch this movie now to see whether I agree with you or your kids! :)

Lavanya said...

Been a silent lurker of this blog for a while now:-)Brilliant stuff, this! Just dropped by to tell you that your name appeared in The Mint Lounge y'day (Sat 26th Sep)in connection with the 6K butter chicken:-)Great going!

Vanilla Fierce! said...

your kids say the funniest things :)

narendra shenoy said...

@chaos- THanks!

@BPSK - Dog you say? But that would leave me exposed to "Oh! Someone of your own kind" type of jokes. Still, worth a try i suppose

@bea- Thanks! They do keep me on my toes

@amreekan - Carry a sleeping bag ;)

@l.e.b. - Thanks. Yes the UN is about the most soporific subject in the world, beating in this respect the study of L.K.Advani's speeches and stand up comedy by Akshay Kumar

@siddharth - thanks!

@Ram - LOL! Pity the poor chap wilting under your gaze!

narendra shenoy said...

@Idling - Do watch it!. I'd love to read your reactions!

@Lavanya - Thanks! And double thanks for the Mint Lounge tip-off.

@Vanilla - Thanks! And I'm a regular follower of your blog too. You're way ahead of them :)

ChUcK said...

Tsk, tsk... You really do need some cleansing.
I'm dusting up my trusty 1 TB hard drive. We shall watch those cricket videos soon and cleanse your soul of any Gowarikaritis.

Pitu said...

Man, that was painful. But I also thought Baweja was decent :-)

Drenched said...

Perhaps you should try bribing the little brats to get them on your deserted side. Anything is better than being so badly outnumbered, no?
This movie so sucked. Linda Goodman is a much better way to kill time and at least she gives somewhat correct characteristics of each zodiac. And Harman Baweja, oh god... he's the perfect example of a cloning process of a hot drool-worthy actor gone horribly wrong.

PS: You speak Portuguese? And actually read love sonnets in the language? Pliss to be sharing more about this eccentric side of your personality. *smirks*

What's In A Name!? said...

So tell me, which raashee woman does he marry!?! I am not going to waste my time on this movie..! :P

Your kids make me feel old. :-(

narendra shenoy said...

@chuck - Great. Weekend? We'll be in touch.

@Pitu - Actually, I thought he did a pretty good job. Understated. And I actually enjoyed the movie. It's just that everyone cussed at me for enjoying it.

@Drenched - Centuries ago, when a young man, a wise guru told me that if I memorized love sonnets, including the Christina Rossetti translated Portuguese ones, lasses would be swooning in my arms. No such thing happened, of course and by the time I figured out that good pectorals are better than poetry for wooing purposes, it was too late. But the sonnets (one of them, at any rate) remain in memory.

Shruti said...

'Civics' and 'funfilled' are words that cannot belong to the same page.. let alone same sentence!!! ewww!

Hair is plural but 'them' is not the word that goes with it, Annie!
LOL!! How did u get that name :P
Damn! Look what Ashutosh did to u. Sue him!

mentalie said...

my sympathies. loved ones can be so scathing sometimes. but that said, how could you possibly attempt to defend 'what's your raashi'!?

Ranju said...

planning to catch the movie this weekend...
mostly because its very rare that Indian movies are screened in the theatres in our city :(
but getting hubby dear to go with me, thats one hell of a task !!

Cynic in Wonderland said...

ok. basic fundamental problem here. i cant for the life of me remember harman uncles face. that oughtto be a tip off - if he has slipped so comprehensively from my mind, that cannot be good no. is he the serial kisser? ugh. need to brush up on etc heroes in bollywood.

also hair loss - sigh. fellow (felli?) sufferer. I feel the pain.

Music Composer Vivek Narayan said...

thanks for the review

since Iam a music composer, Iam particular about the music in the movie

The Cloudcutter said...

Careful what you say about Gowariker! He doesn't take kindly to criticism. Watch any of the movie award shows on TV if you don't know what I'm talking about :-)

Hilarious, as always! And I really like those kids of yours. I'd like to borrow them sometime, when I run out of insults to fling at people who piss me off!

oRange* said...

hahaha! superb review! :P

awh, why is everyone so mean to harman baweja?! that poor soul :(

and i agree with The Cloudcutter, u never know aashu might file a case against u or something :D

Janefield said...

am glad i stopped by from drenched's blog :) keep up the great work, will be coming back for more.

Pooja said...

Gawd! What's your ... had such loving reaction your family?

Just imagine if you'd taken them for Khiladi No.1 :)

Maddy said...

am looking forward to see the lady's avtars..she is a charming girl u know! reminds me of sanjeev kumar's magnum opus

Science Bloggers Association said...

Nice Blog. Congrats.
-Zakir Ali ‘Rajnish’
{ Secretary-TSALIIM & SBAI }
[Editor- Children’s Poem & Adult’s Poem]

Saltwater Blues said...

Spike Milligan fan, are we? :)