Friday, November 21, 2008

On sore throats and other big crises in my life

After the big Saturday dinner, where all of us, especially those of us connected with the banking or the automotive sectors, manfully refrained from jumping off the balcony, I awoke on Sunday with a slight hangover.

As is usual when I complain about hangovers, I am treated to a little discourse on the evils of drinking and how abstinence is the best policy for middle aged people with high triglycerides and an aversion to exercise.

Actually, I think I'm discourse resistant, just like those jolly old germs who turn penicillin resistant, and the old helpmeet had better think of a multi-pronged course of treatment, but this time, one really did feel under the weather. In addition to a hangover, I have had a sore throat.

Not since my childhood have my tonsils really mutinied in this fashion. It is agony, I tell you. It is five days now and I'm still eating semiliquid gruel.

My dad, who is also my doctor, has put me on antibiotics strong enough to wipe out the entire microbe population this hemisphere but the little mites are hanging on, determined to fight every inch. He is optimistic, though, and tells me that it's much better now. It still feels like it has been treated with rather rough hands and lots of sandpaper.

Perhaps I had better give up drinking after all. .... Sob..!

An unfortunate consequence of all this is that I am unable to talk much. It hurts like the blazes. And being a garrulous kind of bloke, whose existential principle is "I yak therefore I am", I feel a bit like the naval ships hanging around mutely around the Gulf of Aden while the Somalian pirates hijack all those ships, because they're not allowed to chase them and shoot them down.

Anyway, all this "moun" is forcing me to use the substantially rusty equipment in my cranial cavity to think. And it is not thinking pleasant thoughts. The economy scares me. Especially the prophets of extrapolation. You know the guys. When oil was $70 a barrel, a prophet said it would cross $100. It did, and got the said prophet a lot of headlines. Then all prophets jumped on to the band wagon and decided to outcry one another, resulting in predictions of $200. And now that it has taken a U turn and is heading resolutely south, the same guys now feel that it will go down to $45, $40, $35, $30 and so on, till very soon, Saudi Arabia and other OPEC members will be paying people to lift oil from their countries. Same with real estate prices, the stock index and all commodities.

In all this gloom there has been one bright ray, courtesy a very witty friend. We were discussing Omar Khayyam the other day and since both of us are rather fond of the chap, were quoting rubaiyat at each other, he more than me because of my @#$%^ tonsils. My favorite one is

A book of verse, beneath the bough
A jug of wine, a loaf of bread and thou
Beside me singing in the wilderness
O Wilderness were Paradise enow

Or words to that effect. Well my friend, call him X, asked me to name one thing that connects "A jug of wine, a loaf of bread and thou". I racked my brains, and gave up. His answer? "Yeast"! Cracked me up, I tell you!


Alfred E Neuman said...

First of all - hope you become better soon! Secondly, looks like you and X are really "fun guys (fungi)"! :-)

maxdavinci said...

I feel a bit like the naval ships hanging around mutely around the Gulf of Aden

sirjee, fantastic!

I have always tried analyzing the effect alcohol has with the throat on the morning after.

It was ice cold thums up or dollops of icream in the bachpan days. wherein you can concur that the chillness screws the tonsils.

what harm does red wine or a vodka martini do? It's a conspiracy by the throat who is jealous of the other parts as it doesnt get to savor the feel of smooth alcohol!

discombobulated said...

your blog is worth reading.Coz even if jokes are a little predictable...the comments r fun.Funnier than the post mostly.(excluding mine of course)may the tribe of ur followers increase

Ram said...

Naren, please let me do this.

@discombulated: Dude, I have been searching high and low, and I am yet to find somebody funnier.

P.S. Why did I think you are a he?

narendra shenoy said...

@alfred- A punster! Welcome to the evil world of puns. Everyone will hate you for them and you'll enjoy them more and more.

@max- LOL! A most novel explanation! I shall use it in court at once!

@disco- Thanks for deflating the old ego a bit, but after the middle age, the pot belly, the bifocals, the bald pate and hair on the ears, there's not much ego left anyway. Still, your wishes are kind. God bless.

@ram- Thanks, man! Unto half my kingdom, when my will is read, to you! BTW, just re-discovered your page. Bookmarked it, and shall read it over the weekend. CHeers!

adi said...

Cracked me up, I tell you!

Maddy said...

now i understand why this post was longer than usual...hopefully his masters voice is back to its booming baritone eh?

Anonymous said...

Don't worry for your lost voice, though you were keen on inflicting us with it some time back through a video.
Don't develop any inflammatory disease of your fingers, though! We don't want to put you on digitalis.

AlwaysHappyKya said...

Oho! Get well soon sirjee.

While you are so extensively using your cranial cavity, it's good time to use this space and write it all down !

Helps Crack us up too, I tell you! :D

Anonymous said...

If it makes you feel any better, i had a terrible sore throat too and had to dance on stage with it last night. Yeah....

discombobulated said...

@narendra-the pleasure is entirely mine.after honing my ego deflating skills on my hubby i have turned to other andropausal men in cyberspace.and sympathies to Ram who thinks im a dude.But even after several yrs of cohabitation humor is still left in narendra.Thats funny!

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Ummm ... to scan, it reads "A book of verses UNDERNEATH the bough".

Dhanush ke neeche kya hai etc.

One of the best cures for a sore throat - a few sips of neat vodka. Smirnoff Green Apple Twist for choice.


Anonymous said...

ROFL!! Wo Gaad!

Cynic in Wonderland said...

Brandy ji. Drown those darn germs i say.

Renu said...

Nice, read this and had half a mind to "sore-ptitiously" sneak away. :)

@discombobulated: andropausal?omg.. give the man a break, he's only talking about problems with his throat.

Lakshmi Bharadwaj said... hope u get better, Mr. Shenoy!! :-)

Partho said...

I'm sure your throat is cured now, and good Panditji is back into his riyaaz. But I'd suggest lots of warm water in case you ever have that again. Lots of warm water with liberal dashes of dark rum.

Scribblers Inc said...

Mr Shenoy its been a while I see! and the weather doesnt seem to be getting along well with you! heres hoping to a lot of yeast-endowed byproducts and health! :)

Scribblers Inc.