Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The BCCI chronicles

A hush settled over the draped board-room of the BCCI. Darth Modi put his fingertips together and rested his chin on his thumbs. His cigarette lay smouldering in the ashtray, but Darth Modi paid scant attention to it. His Brain Was Working.

There were a dozen or so board members whose job it was to think alongside Darth Modi but not one of them had the temerity to do so. The penalty for independent thought was instant expulsion. Being ejected into the medialess void they called the world. Oblivion. Emasculation. No, they sat and watched attentively. For signs. From Darth Modi.

The board had been deliberating all morning on the new game that had just been presented before it. Darth Modi had often expressed the need to augment the finances of th BCCI. No one knew why this was necessary, but it was one of those questions one just did not ask. If Darth Modi said they needed more finances, they needed more finances.

The game designers had done a pretty decent presentation, the board members privately thought. Nothing boring, like Brian Lara Cricket or anything. Infact, this game was not even computer based.

The game set comprised of a smart white plastic board, with stumps, plastic fielders and a small plastic bat. The bat was special - made from a hi-tech, non-stick material. The rest of the stuff was regular plastic.

The game was a two-player contest, played as follows: The players would toss, and elect to bat or field. The fielding side player would dig his nose produce a booger, which he would roll into a little ball and toss at the batting side player. The objective of the batting side player was to hit the booger ball with the special non-stick bat, as far as possible. Depending on where the booger ball landed (there were markings on the field board), runs would accrue to the batting side player. And if the booger stuck to the stumps or one of the 'fielders', the batting side player would be 'out'.

There was a rush of excitement when the presentation was over. Board members discussed it among themselves. Even Darth Modi seemed pleased, judging from the emails he was sending to himself from one of his blackberries to the other. One of the board members asked the developers what would happen if the fielding side player failed to produce decent sized boogers. The developers seemed to have envisaged this possibility and pointed out to the provision under the rules where boogers could be borrowed from the batting side player, provided they were returned when it was the batting side player's turn to field. A healthy discussion, if you know what we mean.

And then the hush that we had mentioned at the start of this story settled upon them. Darth Modi was thinking.

"It's an interesting game", said Darth Modi.

"Interesting". "Very interesting". "Most interesting". went the murmurs around the board room.

"Well thought out and envisaged" he added.

"Well thought out" said one board member to his neighbour. "Yes", nodded the neighbour "And envisaged". "Envisaged", agreed a third.

"But", said Darth Modi.

"But?" asked one of the developers, in a crushed sort of voice

"Yes, But! But the BCCI cannot promote it"

"Why?" cried the game developers plaintively, in unison. The hearts of the board members were rended.

"The BCCI cannot promote it. It's snot cricket."

The business of the day was over. The board members dispersed, shaken by the thought of how close they had come to declaring their approval. In the distance, the developers could be heard screaming as bouncers dragged them up the stairs to fling them from the roof.

But Darth Modi was not perturbed. He had just got a brilliant idea, which he would lift from a journalist.

He would auction off the IPL trophy.


crumbs said...

definitely 'snot cricket :D
what would one do without the Modis of the country?

Coconut Chutney said...

ROFL, LMAO! Brilliance! :D

Oh and hte next time i come to bombay i'll ping you Mr.S! You can get me, uh, juice! ;) :D

mentalie said...

usually, i'd rather get a root canal than read about cricket. but you, mr.shenoy, had me holding my breath until the end. thank you for bringing me over to the other side. snot cricket could well be the unofficial IPL.

Deepak G said...

snot cricket lol

Deepak Gopalakrishnan said...

Wait a darned minute here.
Wasn't ShenoyN & LalitModi #sameguy?

(looks at blog title)
(notes 'autobiography)

Oh, ok.

Deepak Gopalakrishnan said...

What are the odds of two Deepak Gs commenting one after the other :P

Dr. K Bodhi :D said...

Very poor :(

sublime ape said...

i absolutely HATE cricket, but you made it interesting for me.

...what? oh, it's 'snot' cricket?

you crack me up, mr.shenoy!

Anonymous said...

Yuk ! Eeeeh !

Chethana said...

It's snot Cricket. Do you work your stories backwards, shenoyn?

Sriram said...

Been sly reading ur blog for sometime now.. Total kickass posts! INcluding the groans I daresay :D
God bless u and the brood :P

Nikhil said...

Have been following this awesome blog for a while..This definitely reminds me of the "Yes Men" in one of wodehouse's stories on hollywood.. Great Job!