Saturday, March 29, 2008
The script (because the camera work is so crappy. You see, Santosh Sivan was not available, for one reason or another)
STOCK MARKET TIPS FOR ALL YOU IDI...ER... FINE PEOPLE OUT THERE
V: And now, STOCK MARKET ADVICE from our chief investment analyst GAUTHAM SHENOY
G: Thank you.
V. Tell our viewers, Mr. Gautham, which way do you think the market is headed?
G. I think the market is definitely going up unless…..
G: Unless it is headed down.
V : You mean….
G: I mean it's probably going to remain at current levels.
V: (confused).. I suppose that means you are advising investors to hold on to their investments
G: I'm advising them to watch cartoon network
V: (irritated) Now what connection does THAT have?
G: Cable connection
V: No, man, I mean, what does Cartoon Network have to do with the stock market?
G: You've watched "Road runner"?
V: Er.. Yes…
G: Does Wile E. Coyote try his best to catch the Road runner?
V: He does. So?
G: Does he ever manage to catch the road runner?
G: What happens to him?
V: He usually gets flattened or blown up. Or falls off mountains
G: Does he look happy
V: I guess not
G: But he keeps trying and trying and trying, doesn't he?
V: Yes. So what's your point?
G: The investor is Wile E Coyote. And the Road Runner is the money that he wants to make. He gets close, but never actually holds his prize. He keeps getting flattened in the process. AND HE NEVER GIVES UP!
V: So you're saying the investor should get out of the market?
G: That's exactly what I'm trying to tell the doofuses who're watching this program.
V: Or should we say doofii?
G: We should always say doofii. My mistake.
V: So what's the safest investment?
G: Listen carefully because I'm only going to say this once…
Look for a nice shady spot.
Dig a large pit
Keep your money in, wrapped in plastic and locked in a metal box
Fill the pit up.
And when people apply for the reliance energy IPO, Laugh like crazy.
V: Thank you Gautam Shenoy. Next time we'll get someone who makes more sense.
Like a donkey who's been sniffing laughing gas
G: You mean, George W. Bush?
V: I mean, George W. Bush