Saturday, January 17, 2009

ICICI Executives try to sell personal loans to Ambanis, end up mediating in dispute

My favorite paper, the Mint (Motto - Inexpensive confectionery for the financially disadvantaged) reported today that two ICICI executives, K. V. Kamath and Chanda Kochhar, visited the Ambanis and are trying to mediate between them, to try and patch their differences. Of course, that is not the full story. It never is, with these papers, worried as they are about libel suits and slander claims. Understandable, if not admirable. Thus it fell to intrepid journalist Narendra Shenoy to solve the mystery by going under cover and ferreting out all the relevant details, and inventing a few when the relevant details did not appear after the most fretful ferreting.

We spoke to sources close to the parties involved, who understandably, did not want to be named, especially since they did not exist. It seems what happened was that the two aforementioned executives went there with the purpose of selling them credit cards and personal loans upto Rs. 1 crore WITHOUT ANY SECURITY OR INCOME PROOF! The elder Ambani tactfully told them that he had already availed of this offer and would not be interested in it, but Kamath does not take no for an answer. Oh, no, siree! He told him that he would come over for the documents in the morning. But I'm in a meeting, protested Shri Ambani. Oh, no problem sir, you can leave them with the security, with two copies of your passport or driving licence and four photographs.

The trap was sprung and on the morrow, Mukesh did the needful. Sadly, he forgot to put his signatures in the boxes against the places marked 'X' and Kamath barged into his office.

Cut to Anil's house. Chanda, the brightest lass in the firm and a proven go-getter had cold called him and correctly diagnosed his hesitant refusal as a strong streak of chivalry towards the fairer sex. A few " Pleaaase sirrr! Look at the offer atleast no, sirrr!" s later, she had wangled a morning appointment for - you guessed it - the passport copies and the photographs.

And when Kamath called her on her cell to ask if two signatures were required or three (Kamath may be the Chairman but Chanda is the operations expert), the two realised that they were with the two warring brothers. Instantly, an attitude which has made ICICI the institution that it is, they decided to mediate between the brothers. Under the skilled hands of these two experts, the brothers were sobbing piteously in no time, and both of them promised to avail of the GREAT OFFER! if the dispute was resolved amicably.

Thus it stands. And there is no creature more motivated than a credit card saleperson with a positive prospect. We are sure, SURE, that the dispute will be solved, probably before the 31st because Kamath and Kocchhhar have a target to meet.

Needless to say, the above is TOP SECRET. As such, you computer will now self destruct in 30 seconds
(P.S. I'm running in the Mumbai Marathon tomorrow (executive summary version of 6 km, aka "Dream Run" since most of the participants are capable of running only in their dreams.) I survive this, you shal read the post)


maxdavinci said...

now i see where the triglycerides are going!

may you run to die another day!

Preeti said...

So ur gonna be the under cover reported on the run? Give us the juicy news ;)

Idling in Top Gear said...

Oops...just saw this. Hope you were successful in the marathon. Waiting for a post on it.

Cynic in Wonderland said...

Run Narenji Run.

gauri said...

You ran the 6k?! Not bad at all! Surely you deserve some desserts and fried stuff now ;)


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