Thursday, January 1, 2009

New Years, on making sense of

One thing I like about alcohol is the way it makes all discussion sound logical and indeed profound and insightful. Even the conversation we had last night, in the course of ushering in the new year.

We like to usher in the new year every year. We are deeply paranoid that the new year might just lose its way and wander off into another century and then, where would you be?

Of course, Sheela has her usual bourgeois theory that it's just another reason to get sloshed but I tell you, dear reader, it is a lot deeper than that.

Anyway, I decided I would just lay out the conversation without the "he said", "she said" and "He said again" stuff that makes a writer's job so tiresome. True, this makes it that much more difficult to make head or tail out of the stuff but then, when you write the way I write, profound and all, I'm not sure a few "he saids" and "she saids" are going to breathe lucidity into it. So, here goes.

Last night a bunch of us friends decided to usher in the New Year with a help of a few drops of whiskey and the conversation turned to Indian history and what a lot of it there is.

Take Alexander. He fought that famous battle with Porus.


Yes Porus.

What kind of a name is Porous? Why in the world would anyone name their kid Porous?

He must have been very Leaky. Ha ha.

And didn't he rule a kingdom named Taxila?

No, no. He ruled a kingdom called Paurava. The ruler of Taxila was his royal highness King Ambi, after whom the Ambi Valley is named.

Taxila. Now THERE's a name waiting to have something done to it.

It used to be called Takshashila.

The Muslim invaders called it Taxila.

Couldn't manage the 'ksha' sound. What was it you said? Rahul Bajaj? What about him? Oh, I see. No, I don't think that if Rahul Bajaj had set up his factory in Taxila, they would have renamed the place Rickshala.

And then, logically, we started discussing domestic issues.

Yes, kids' pacifiers are a great invention. They keep their mouths occupied. Stops them yelling. Yes, would be a great idea to introduce them into parliament.

At this point, we counted down and ushered in the new year. A couple of bottle of champagne were opened and for some reason, my recollections of the events succeeding this are a tad hazy. But the thing is, we managed to usher in the new year very well, because I checked the newspapers this morning and it said January 1st, 2009. The New Year didn't wander away after all.

Happy new year, folks and my sincere apologies for inflicting stuff like this, especially on those of you who might have been seeking repose.


Coconut Chutney said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Coconut Chutney said...

Legend says that before Alexander began waging wars, battling battles and killing random soldiers, he was in fact a peaceful boy who indulged in cooking. Apparently, his specialty used to be Carrot Cheesecake.
That ofcourse, was the time he was known as Alexander the Grate.

Happy new year, naren-ji :)

PS - rickshala was genius!

discombobulated said...

so given up dieting for a day?? not?its that day of the year after all..and worry not bout the torture u inflict upon us...we love it(suggests masoschism?)..nywys..we r in high spirits too!cheers

gauri said...

//...and my sincere apologies for inflicting stuff like this, especially on those of you who might have been seeking repose.//

Seeking repose or otherwise, the pleasure is all ours. (Though I suspect some of it is sadistically yours too, but hey it's New Years.) A very happy new year to you & the family :)

Chutney: LOL


Rada said...

Dear Naren,

Last year, you gave us a lot of happy and joyous moments with your witty posts, which kept us in splits!

Here's wishing even more strength to your pen in 2009!

Preeti said...

Happy New Year Uncle S :) Wishes to the family too...God Bless! :)

Susa said...

Thank God you were around to usher in the new year. I slept off, and was really worried everyone else might have missed it too.

Anyway, hope this is a year that sees a relaxation of diet and other regimes the missus may have imposed on you :)

Anish said...

Happy New year! Hope the alcohol flow never stops flowing and you write all you posts in a sozzled state!

Shilpa said...

Mr. Shenoy,

The inflation and recession seem to have no effect on you. Looks like the flow of bubbles is really helping you.

Have a rocking 2009.


Cynic in Wonderland said...

...A Happy Hic(cy) new year to you and family

maxdavinci said...

saved mankind by welcoming the year! But then i dont get the big deal behind screaming at the top of our voices when the clock strikes 12.

Maddy said...

i hope this will not repeat - i posted a comment somewhat on these lines & then blogger crashed. so hope the bubbly start remains bubbly for the rest of the year. you certainly demolished the Alexander epic to carrot grate with coconut chutney...but it was fun though - hey be careful - sheela is going to put a pacifier in your mouth..just joking - habe a bhery bhery happy new year

Madhu Gopalan said...

I've been reading your blog quietly for a while now, and I LOVE it :)

I read this post at work today, and when I saw
We are deeply paranoid that the new year might just lose its way and wander off into another century and then, where would you be?,
I nearly fell off my chair laughing! I'm not going to read your blog at work, ever again. It'll get me into trouble.

Happy new year :)

Lakshmi Bharadwaj said...

hahaha....well, a very happy new year to you...since u have ushered it in for all of us! Have fun!!! :-)

narendra shenoy said...

@chutney - Alexander the Grate! :D

@disc- Cheers!

@gauri - Danke!

@Rada - Thanks! And wish you a happy new year too.

@Preeti - Thanks! Keep smiling all year!

@susa- one hopes to avoid her eagke eye

@Anish - Thanks! May the booze keep flowing, may my complexion be glowing, may the ageing process be slowing and may the missus be mellowing, ALL THROUGH THE YEAR!

@shilpa - thanks! Yes, those bubbles are great!

narendra shenoy said...

@cynic - thanks!

@max - Fully agree! Daftness!

@maddy - Happens to me all the time. Closest I come to murder. And that pacifier thing? Might just be prophetic!

@madhu - Thanks! Hope you'll comment more often!

@Lakshmi - Happy Noo Year!

Lakshmi Bharadwaj said...

Yes, the New Year must be great for you! For one thing, after you had been magically excluded from Mysore Blog Park, someone has magically reincluded you!! Did you notice, Mr. Shenoy?? (Oh yes, n BTW, my freinds have becomes silent readers of your blog, and I must say, they're HUGE fans. Haha, get ur pen ready, they'd want autographs.) :-)

RukmaniRam said...

"We are deeply paranoid that the new year might just lose its way and wander off into another century and then, where would you be?"

*points and laughs hysterically*

Maddy said...

hey narendra - i forgot - check this out

Nav said...

I have never made new year resolutions. But this year on the 12th day I am making one. To read the Autobiography of an ordinary man. One that is being penned by an Extraordinary writer.
Happy New year to you and your loved ones..