Thursday, February 12, 2009

What do you do when your boss tells you to milk his buffalo



If one of my favorite newspapers, the Mumbai Mirror (motto: News? What News?) is to be believed, the burning topic in our vast Republic is

What do you do when your boss tells you to milk his buffalo

I added that screen grab just to convey the vital message "I kid you not".

The problem, apparently, is that there is nothing in the rule book that prevents a superior officer from ordering an inferior officer to milk his buffaloes.

We had an impromptu discussion at home, Sheela and I. Actually it was Sheela who spotted the story, because I rarely get to read this wonderful newspaper (The Mumbai Mirror). After she's done with it, the boys read it. I have to be content with the more flippant stuff found in The Economic Times or The Mint. As I was saying.... oh alright, here's the transcript of our conversation.

Sheela: Here's something you can blog about
Me: What? What? What?
Sheela: Some Central Railway employees are on strike because a senior officer asked them to milk his buffaloes
Me: That's no way to address someone's wife
Sheela: Buffaloe-ssss. Plural. Real animals.
Me: Polygamist?
Sheela: Naren, you do this on purpose. I have half a mind to break this plate over you head! Now pay attention!
(She's serious. I perk up and listen)
Sheela: This is an abomination. First, this guy keeps eleven buffaloes on government property. Second, he makes his staff feed them and milk them, threatening to slap charges on anyone who refuses. Third, he makes them go and sell the milk in the market. You must write something about it. Seriously, I mean. Not the usual nonsense. Sensible netizens can make a difference. See the pink chaddi campaign?

So folks, on orders, I hereby propose the following amendment to the Indian Railways (Duties and obligations of Employees) Act of 1956 and the Rules framed thereunder

Section 13 (f) : It is hereby clarified that notwithstanding anything enacted anywhere else included the Republic of Papua New Guinea, no officer of the Indian Railways shall order his employees, subordinates or contractual workers under his jurisdiction to milk, feed, groom, beautify, manicure, Brazilian-wax or otherwise tend to his buffaloes.

Explanation: It is clarified that for the purpose of this Section, the said officer's wife shall not be classified as a buffalo, regardless of appearance, behaviour or IQ.

Exception: It is further clarified that the provisions of Section 13(f) shall not apply to the Railway Minister.

There. I have done my duty. Tomorrow I shall forward it to the Honorable Law Minister. If you have any valuable inputs, please let me know. This law needs to be fool proof.







25 comments:

Idling in Top Gear said...

OMG! A boss might need to feel like he's the big cheese every once in a while but running a dairy at work is a bit much!

Loved the exception for the Hon'ble Railways Minister, but does the clarification below the rule apply to him as well? :)

PS: Are we to believe that you actually equated wives and buffaloes in the presence of Mrs. Shenoy? I don't buy it.

PPS: I hope the Mumbai Mirror isn't a satire mag a la the Onion.

gauri said...

Good, then! There's no clause stating subordinates cannot ask their superiors to milk buffaloes for them, is there?

There are so many more pressing (no pun) issues than those frivolous economic and political agendas that can be summed up in just one line: "Economy is down", "politics is dirty".

-g

no signal said...

It is clarified that for the purpose of this Section, the said officer's wife shall not be classified as a buffalo, regardless of appearance, behaviour or IQ.

ROLF! Had fun reading this post.

maxdavinci said...

everything wokay, but buffaloes and brazillian wax? wo gaad ganesha where is muthalik when you really need him?

Anna Bond said...

While apologizing in advance for the extended soofy hangover, I present:

What is soofy music for the buffaloes?
Buffy.

Anonymous said...

brazilian wax for buffaloes...eeewwwwww

SRK said...

since we are into legalese, let me respond like i imagine a lawyer would:

for one, the initial section should read "It is mandated"... clarifications comes in the explanation, which you have thoughtfully provided :)

other than that, such news items can be a boon for fun posts!

Sowmya Srikrishnan said...

India TV is a must watch for you. We need our daily dose of LOLs sir!

ruSh.Me said...

First of all, it would depend, would a man like to Brazilian-Wax a Buffalo..?? IS that Buffalo-male or female???

Is Brazilian-Waxing a female against/for the Indian Culture?? Should the Right-wings come forwards and protect the buffalo's dignity..

The most important part..would the guy buffalo like the waxed she-buffalo..or will it all go in wane???

narendra shenoy said...

Thanks, all.
Idling - Big Cheese! That would be a great headline for this story! And Mumbai Mirror beats the Onion, doesnt it?:)

gauri- It would be a good exit line. "Milk my buffaloes" you'd say to your boss, and sue successfully for wrongful dismissal.

nosignal - Thanks. And nice name, btw!

max - Do you think brazilian waxing buffaloes is against Indian Culture? It would make great group discussion topic for MBA students.

anna - Buffy? Doesnt seem quite right. Maybe we should pronounce it boofy.

Anonymous - Ewww? What do you mean "Ewww?" Buffaloes have rights too! (The Mahisha sene) ;)

SRK - I stand corrected. And as I hunted around on the net to find just what heights are possible in legalese, here's a supreme piece of legislation from the United Kingdom

The Ground Nuts Order of 1972
In the Nuts (unground), (other than ground nuts) Order, the expression nuts shall have reference to such nuts, other than ground nuts, as would but for this amending Order not qualify as nuts (unground) (other than ground nuts) by reason of their being nuts (unground).

Sowmya - I must watch India TV! I've heard a lot about it;)

rush.me- You have posed very interesting questions. My two bits -
1. While some men might like to Brazilian Wax buffaloes, most would be alright with anyone Brazilian waxing them. They're just interested in the "end product", so to speak. And as to the buffalo being male or female - well, I guess in some places, San Francisco, say, male buffaloes would do well.

2. Experiments in the human race have shown that guys are uniformly satisfied with the result:)

Partho said...

What about the dung? you must specify something about dung. Buffaloes and manure are inseparable.

Maitreya said...

In my part of the world, the standard lease agreement says " The tenant shall not tether cattle inside the premises leased to him by the lessee." What the CR Senior Officer did is absolute transgression.

Siddharth Garud said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sid said...

You need to label this under "Incisive Commentary".

Also, this is "Sensitive Reporting" because you have considered buffaloes sensitivities.

BTW, where are these buffalo beauty parlours? They may protest against your intrepid exploration!

Vivek said...

Hilarious!
A brazilian Wax on a buffalo?
Thats one painful image.
:D

It is clarified that for the purpose of this Section, the said officer's wife shall not be classified as a buffalo, regardless of appearance, behaviour or IQ.
AWESOME!
:D

MP said...

Does the exclusion of the wife also an exception for the Railway Minister. It is better to be precise, before somebody misunderstands duties and ...

Anonymous said...

Sheela: Some Central Railway employees are on strike because a senior officer asked them to milk his buffaloes
Me: That's no way to address someone's wife
Sheela: Buffaloe-ssss. Plural. Real animals.
Me: Polygamist?

ROFL!! :)

-H

SRK said...

Incidentally Shenoy sir, have you heard of Shaina NC? some designer...

no connection to the post here...

Ram said...

"Sheela: Naren, you do this on purpose. I have half a mind to break this plate over you head! Now pay attention!"

Was that a stainless steel plate?

Maddy said...

somewhat like Rajan used to do for his teacher according to swami in RKN's swami & friends??

but well, have you tried milking a buffalo? I have & it is one hell of an experience, really! though not because i was asked to by my boss..

rambodoc said...

I used to have a fellow resident who used to do the groceries for his (surgeon) boss in a Government Medical College. His boss, incidentally, was famous for parking his hands liberally on neighboring soft spots on unsuspecting women (patients, relatives of patients, interns, etc.). He became more famous when a girl intern slapped a parking ticket on his face for trespassing on her buttocks. Last heard, this honorable gent is now the DEAN of a Government Medical College in Mumbai!
In short, this buffalo thing behooves the Indian Government tradition, and we are udderly justified in milking this for our own horny reasons. Yeah, this last was a bit nuts.

Cynic in Wonderland said...

I read this. and also peered the unfortunate looking strikers.

mirror rocks. it makes my morning. we have a stampede for it everyday

discombobulated said...

hmmm...brazilian wax...so the law needs to be pool proof as well!

mohit said...

hahaha... hilarious!
I'm glad atleast my boss doesn't have either the space, nor the patience to rear the beasts ;)

Pitu said...

See, now that is precisely the sort of thing I would have done. Mebbe that is the reason I am no-one's boss :p