Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Random rant

I'm generally a peaceful man. One who can leave things alone. When North Korea launched that missile, I did not say word. A hint of a smile and a wry "Kims will be kims" and my lips were sealed. So with the Uighur rebellion. Not a peep. But when the auto guy wriggled past me and stood ahead of my car at the signal, the Nelson Mandela in me gave up. The time for peaceful coexistence was over.

It was not just the injustice of this territorial infringement. When the light turned green, the auto driver in question just stared at it, trying to process the information.

"The light is green", his eyes told his brain.

"Wow! So it is! What now?" said the brain

"Search me", said the eyes. "I think green is the color of the season"

"No, no!" The brain was screaming "I know there is someting else...something much more significant....more urgent...something to do with the fact that all the cars behind me are honking their asses off..... Ah, I got it! Green means go!"

This, dear reader, is the thought process of the average Mumbai auto driver. And by the time his diligent neurons fire their message to the muscles that control the throttle of the auto, the light has turned to red and yours truly is reduced to a slobbering wreck at the wheel. For the auto guy has managed to slink away, escaping a well deserved kick on the backside.

Apart from that, the weekend was pretty good. I of course went without the customary fresh water and ice with a drop of Scottish agricultural produce that I usually have over the weekend, owing to missus' shoulder injury. I am holding, apart from my usual position as chief secretary of Madame's office, additional charge as comber of her hair (since she can't tie her own ponytail). One does not drink on duty when one is occupying such high office.

By the way, here's a good one from my ophthalmologist. I went to him to have my eyes tested and found out I need bifocals. I got a pair made from the guy down the street. He gave me the regular ones and told me I should get something called variable lens which does not show the tell tale line of the bifocals and communicate to the general public the important message "Hey look! I am young! I am not a bifocal wearing loser!". Now this is more expensive than the regular bifocal by a factor of 3, so I went back to the ophthalmologist for advice." What do you think,doctor? Do you think the variable lenses are worht the extra cash?"

He told me that they were both useless. He himself has one regular bifocal, one variable lens and one pair of glasses to look for these two.

Awright then, have fun.

18 comments:

Ranju said...

so, you going to buy a regular glass first and then the bifocals and that variable one? :)
hope missus' shoulder heals soon...curious abt one thing...missus happy with the way you tie the ponytail?

Bhel Puri & Seekh Kabab said...

Forgoing Scottish produce because you were "on duty"? Never heard of such a ridiculous thing. You wuss!

ruSh.Me said...

Arey, you should go for that Shabana Azmi endorsed Bi-focal lenses.. Go single!!!

narendra shenoy said...

@Ranju - Funny you should mention it, but no matter how hard I try, she's never happy with the pony tail. Is this a chromosome thing?

@bpsk- :) I think I must change my paradigms. Thanks for pointing out the error in my ways, master!

@rush.me- I haven't seen that ad yet.

Cynic in Wonderland said...

you dont have practise narenji in tying ponytails. so of course she wont be happy no?

Anonymous said...

u granpa...

wanna punch my face.. try running... better yet, try walking...

hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk!!!!!

Bea Walker said...

As a person whose arm fracture made pony tail tying an impossibility last year - the chief secretary and hair comber in my life - tried very hard - while muttering that my picky demands were enough to make him go in search of scottish produce :)...but we got through - pony tail respectable and alcohol fumes at a minimum in my place :)

On a note of coincidence - the hair comber has already been advised reading glasses and I am going for my eye test today....m-u-s-t remember to memorize the eye chart, must remember to reduce eye strain by reading less on the computer ;P....must research if I can get variable lens in a hot D&G or Versace frame.....

narendra shenoy said...

@cynic - I'm learning fast though.

@anonymous - :D I feel like Diego in Ice Age 3

@Bea - :D All the best!

Partho said...

Vikram Seth once wrote : "You can fall for a weirdo, you can fall for a loner/ But fall for a bi, and you're a goner." Not his exact words, perhaps. But I kid you not. Refer Golden Gate. He didn't mean bi-focals obviously. But the Effect is more or less the same.
Well, what can I say? On the wrong side of forty, I'm going to need them myself any day now. Meanwhile, I got Missus a pair of reading glasses some weeks ago, against strong resistance from her end. Ever since, she's been giving me these strange lasting looks whenever I saunter into the study sessions of mummy and daughter in the evenings. It's not love, by the way. She says she likes how things look in the distance seen over the rim of her glasses.

Partho said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Coconut Chutney said...

you ponytail her hair? aww :D

numerounity said...

:)

alwayshappykya said...

Like everybody else here already pointed, the only point that majorly stood out was that you comb and ponytail your missus's hair !

Way to go Naren sir . Now with the bifocals et all..be more prepared for the 'sir' and 'uncle' thrown at you liberally :D

May your wife heal fast and may you go ahead enjoying your weekends with whatever the Scottish agriculturists produced ;)

(Nice new template BTW )

le embrouille blogueur said...

I am glad you are man enough to admit you pony tail ....the new look on the blog looks nice ... matches the green from the lights ...did all "three" doctors that say the same thing !!

Cynic in Wonderland said...

new template * faints* rocking!! Yayyy. Generally hyper.

Sowmya Srikrishnan said...

when ppl say the new template is better - Shenoy sir, they are being polite

I want old template wonly....its was so neat...waaaah

Change template and get back to combing. and yeah, hope the missus is better.

Anonymous said...

"am holding, apart from my usual position as chief secretary of Madame's office, additional charge as comber of her hair (since she can't tie her own ponytail). One does not drink on duty when one is occupying such high office."


LOL! That cracked me up.

Anonymous said...

http://gauravsabnis.blogspot.com/2009/07/pune-cops-win-sakaal-times-fail.html

Check this out!

- Sid