Friday, August 28, 2009

Depression!

 I've been having a nagging pain in my knee.

Like all typical guys, I was in complete denial. Guys will refuse to go to the doctor till they physically drop dead, because deep down inside, all guys know that doctors are dying to put their hands up your ass lookng for something called a prostate, which I'm sure these guys have made up for precisely this purpose.

But I'm not your regular normal guy. I'm a guy married to Sheela Shenoy. It's a bit hard to say no when SHE'S telling you to go to the doctor.

"And don't be silly, Naren. He's an orthopedic surgeon. He doesn't want to put things up your backside." , she added. After 17 years of marriage, the wife is still unable to say the word "ass", bless her heart!

Well, I went in the end. One, because SHeela said so. And two, because the knee was really hurting, especially when I climbed up stairs.

My orthopedic surgeon is a serious kind of bloke. No reassuring smiles or backslapping. He told me to take an X-ray. "This has all the signs of osteoarthritis" he told me. And today, when I went back to him with the X-rays he took a look at them, the knees and the x-ray images.

After a moment or two spent in uffish thought, he gave me the look college principals give parents when it is their painful duty to inform them that their son is doing weed.

"You definitely have osteo arthritis".

"Are you sure?"

"Here. Look at this gap"

Looked fine to me.

"It's less than normal. Plus there are these bony protuberances"

Well, he looked confident enough. I took his word for it.

"What do I need to do? Like precautions and so on"

You're not going to believe this. He asked me to reduce my weight. REDUCE MY WEIGHT! I'm practically skin and bones right now.

"And a couple of seriously Chennai Film Industry Thighs", the missus added, sardonically. "And an Andhra superstar potbelly."

"And no booze till you're 70." added the doctor.

"Till I'm 70 years old!" I was aghast. "You can't be serious, doctor".

Something in my look must have appealed to the well concealed human in him.

"Not 70 YEARS, my dear chap. 70 KILOS". And he smiled for the first time since I've known him.

Well, that was a relief. So mission 70 kgs begins from today.

16 comments:

sapana said...

Looking at your picture you don't really seem more than 70 kgs.. check the weighing scale again, i say! but as of now, how many kilos to lose?

sapana said...

and yeah,good luck.. hope u feel better soon.. 1st time commenting on ur blog..been reading for quite sometime though..

rads said...

welcome to my world bhaisaab. it isn't too bad once we settle down. I'll even be nice and throw in a few pointers on how to sneak in that occ peg.

sheela bhabhi *wink wink*

ta!

Juggler said...

Wanna go running with me everyday? :D

On a more serious note, take care. And shed those damned pounds...

SRK said...

what's booze got anything to do with it? mebbe dissolve a few calcium tablets in those pegs to strengthen them bones...

buddy said...

good luck!

Sowmya Srikrishnan said...

With missus backing you, you shouldn't be taking long to hit 70. All the best and take care.

ruSh.Me said...

"I'm practically skin and bones right now." and they weigh more than 70 kilos?? Hmm.. Then what will you loose??

Waise, that's what happens when you don't drink milk!! Kaash, agar aapne apni mummy ki baat maani hoti toh yeh din delay ho jata..!!!

frissko said...

'Depression' and the tone of the post had very little to do with each other :)...But keeping away from alcohol seriously helps[i keep away once in a while :)] (i am afflicted with a second cousin of yours, Pseuro-negative arthritis, in the spine and hip joint, it's been around for 9 years now)...Some unsolicited advice, taking 'Physiotherapy' seriously, and yoga to strengthen joints would do wonders...Good luck...

narendra shenoy said...

@sapana - Thanks! May the good lord reward your kindness with much happiness. I'm just 8 kgs overweight. I've been trying to convince the missus that it is nothing...

@rads-Thanks! I'm seriously worried about the effect of a sudden lack in the C2H5OH molecule would do to my already delicate system. Need that drinkie for strictly medicinal purposes

@juggler - Is that a cocktail in your profile photograph? Sob. (choking back tears)

@SRK - You think it will do the trick? The Calcium Cocktail. The wine, chalk and cheese party. Sounds like it merits a try with the missus.

@buddy - Thanks

@sowmya - the missus is backing me in the same fashion that a charioteer backs the horse. But 70 I will touch, she has no doubts about it!

@rush.me-I agree about 50% with the "drinking milk" advice. The 50% I agree with is "drink". It's the "milk" that I object to

@frissko- Thanks! I'm starting off on yoga, whose main guiding philosophy is "can you scratch your ear with your toe"

indiegurl said...

all my sympathies, for me undoubtedly the worst part of that conversation would be to learn that i have to LOSE WEIGHT to reach 70kg. excuse me while i have a small anxiety attack..

.. ok i'm back. seriously, though, osteo-arthritis can be chronically painful. Take care.

maxdavinci said...

ofcourse daaru ke liye kuch bhi!

mentalie said...

i LOVED your description of the doc's expression - like the principal who has the unpleasant duty of informing parents their son's doing weed. evocative. and inexplicably familiar.

good luck with the weight loss plan! though i can't imagine why you'd want to lose the chennai superstar thighs and kannada superstar potbelly...they sound like show stoppers...lol!

Shruti said...

U are more than 70 kgs and u call urself skin n bones? Lol!! What're ur bones made up of? Ferrum? =))
:P how cruel of me :P
Good luck on the weight loss mission and on keeping away from booze hehe :P

Chris Allin said...

Heya, I just came across your blog and instasntly found I can relate to. Knee problems.

I injured my knee 13 months ago, ruining two ligaments, so I know the pain involved with healing processes. I'm at the other end of the pipeline luckily; nearly healthy and ready to go. I will be able to beat my girlfriend at wrestling once again!

Doing anything you can to reduce the impact of your illness will pay off in the future when you're all old and wrinkly.

Hope your knee decides to behave soon, I'll be following for progress reports :)

Deepak Gopalakrishnan said...

Hahaha! I had a failed #Project75 myself last year, which has been revised to #Project72 by August 2010.

What's your current status?