Depression!

 I've been having a nagging pain in my knee.

Like all typical guys, I was in complete denial. Guys will refuse to go to the doctor till they physically drop dead, because deep down inside, all guys know that doctors are dying to put their hands up your ass lookng for something called a prostate, which I'm sure these guys have made up for precisely this purpose.

But I'm not your regular normal guy. I'm a guy married to Sheela Shenoy. It's a bit hard to say no when SHE'S telling you to go to the doctor.

"And don't be silly, Naren. He's an orthopedic surgeon. He doesn't want to put things up your backside." , she added. After 17 years of marriage, the wife is still unable to say the word "ass", bless her heart!

Well, I went in the end. One, because SHeela said so. And two, because the knee was really hurting, especially when I climbed up stairs.

My orthopedic surgeon is a serious kind of bloke. No reassuring smiles or backslapping. He told me to take an X-ray. "This has all the signs of osteoarthritis" he told me. And today, when I went back to him with the X-rays he took a look at them, the knees and the x-ray images.

After a moment or two spent in uffish thought, he gave me the look college principals give parents when it is their painful duty to inform them that their son is doing weed.

"You definitely have osteo arthritis".

"Are you sure?"

"Here. Look at this gap"

Looked fine to me.

"It's less than normal. Plus there are these bony protuberances"

Well, he looked confident enough. I took his word for it.

"What do I need to do? Like precautions and so on"

You're not going to believe this. He asked me to reduce my weight. REDUCE MY WEIGHT! I'm practically skin and bones right now.

"And a couple of seriously Chennai Film Industry Thighs", the missus added, sardonically. "And an Andhra superstar potbelly."

"And no booze till you're 70." added the doctor.

"Till I'm 70 years old!" I was aghast. "You can't be serious, doctor".

Something in my look must have appealed to the well concealed human in him.

"Not 70 YEARS, my dear chap. 70 KILOS". And he smiled for the first time since I've known him.

Well, that was a relief. So mission 70 kgs begins from today.