Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Old man and the Nets

The salt spray of the ocean was invigorating but the old man could feel nothing. His gaze was distant, as if in deep thought.

"What are you thinking about, granpa?" asked the boy.

"Oh nothing, son. Just where am I going to find a woman who wears suspenders?"

"Suspenders? Well, there's Miss Smith down town. She likes to dress up all man-like. They say she's a Lisboan or something. What's that mean, Granpa?"

"Lisboan? Maybe she's from Portugal. But that doesn't matter, son. I need you to do me a favor"

"Anything for you, granpa" said the boy, sincerely. For did he not owe his entire life to the old man? Was it not his duty to unquestioningly do his bidding?

"Alright, then. I need you to go to Miss Smith's house and steal her suspenders. Just one pair"

That sounded simple enough. The boy had grown up in a hard school where nimble fingers and enterprise were the often the only way out of a hungry night. He wasn't a thief really, but a man has got to live.

"But why do you need that, granpa?" he asked. For he knew that the old man never did anything without a reason.

"Oh, it's  kind of complicated, but I'll tell you", he said.

Lighting up his pipe, the old man sat down on the bench and started speaking in that soft voice of his.

"You know how smart the fish are around here. They smell our gear and run away."

"Yes, yes!" interrupted the boy, excitedly. "I've seen you washing everything with detergent"

"You're clever and observant, little one!" chuckled the old man, pleased. "And you would no doubt have noticed what brand of detergent I use"

"Surf! You always buy Surf!"

"Yes, my lad. Surf is the only one which gets the strong smell of dead fish out of them. The others don't realize all this, which is why they catch so little"

"But what's with the suspender bands? And why do I need to steal Miss Smith's" asked the boy.

"Persistent old rascal, aren't you?" said the old man, smiling indulgently. "Son, it's an outside chance but one that will, if it succeeds, deliver us from our poverty"

The boy was smart. He understood all of that at one go.

"And?" asked the boy

The old man spoke again.

"Well, I've heard it said that a broad's bands will help us Surf the nets much better".

23 comments:

Rohan said...

This is so terrible, I want to kill myself. :)

Somebody Else said...

!
heheheh
The armchair critic in me says Twitter has much to do with this brand of literature.

Deepak Misra said...

I bow

Deepak

Ranju said...

LOL at "Lisboan? Maybe she's from Portugal"...

when is china trip part-2 coming ?

reeves said...

no wonder why ur missus disses u :P

Varun Sharma said...

I am dying a slow death after reading this one :)

Sangeetha said...

This one almost makes me wish ur writer's block was back! ;-)

By the way, i am a long time reader, though commenting for the first time.

Ur blog is most entertaining. Keep writing...

Sangeetha.

Sid said...

LOL!
And the new year in thee thus spake!

Ranju said...

read china part-2 now and after reading it remembered that I had read it before...
me and my memory...well on the plus side, your blog gets more hits :)

Juggler said...

Oh no! No no no. Why?

Anonymous said...

** all hail to the King **

Saranya :D

Bea Walker said...

Why? Why??!! I shall add that question to my philosophical questions list for 2010....

Welcome back I say with a wince, Happy New Year! :)

mentalie said...

my god. i can't believe you thought that up and wrote it too. bravo.

Sri said...

As always had hearty laugh.. thx

litterateuse said...

I generally refrain from using language, but I'd go so far as to say someone really deserve a D.S.L. for this one :P

g

Deepak G said...

speechless

Anonymous said...

my first real smile this year. thanks.
neela

narendra shenoy said...

Dear All,

Many apologies for pulling that one one you unsuspecting folk. Actually, I've been going thru a bad patch writing wise. I'm just not able to write anything remotely funny. Which means I'm unhappy. And In don't see why you guys shouldn't be either ;)
I'm planning to follow this up with the last EVER shaggy dog story to sully my page. After that I'll never ever pun again, promise.

Spaz Kumari said...

you are an environmental hazard. :)

amareshswain said...

I am jealous... ;)

sush said...

Wow. Hemingway must be turning in his grave :P

raghu said...

brother this is just swill. bad writing is ok,happens to all... but humour through prejudice. damn disappointed.

Deepak Gopalakrishnan said...

The #Gestypo casts an angry eye on the punchline.