Thursday, December 4, 2008

Pakistan has zero population

Now HERE'S breaking news for you!

In a path-breaking discovery today, Indian authorities realized that Pakistan has a population of zero.

"We asked them for 20 people to be handed over to us, who we believe are directly involved in planning and orchestrating terror attacks on India, but the Pakistan Authorities refused this on the grounds that they are not in Pakistan. They have refused to acknowledge the existence of another 300000 people whose names we had forwarded as a test case. The point is, going by statistical estimates, the only inference once can make is that no one lives in Pakistan", said a senior Indian government official, who requested anonymity because he feared he might lose his job. "The world might think we have lost our mind"

This reporter pointed out that the official census figure in 1998 was 132,352,279, including Dawood Ibrahim.

"Where did all these people disappear?", we asked.

The official admitted to being puzzled.

"We are as yet unable to form a firm conclusion but research indicates that they are either doing construction work in the Middle East or living as illegals in America. Except President Zardari, who is in America quite legally, giving interviews to Larry King.", he said

"What are we going to do about this?" asked our reporter, known for his very sharp questioning technique.

"We would love to bomb them flat, which they shouldn't mind especially since nobody lives there, but the Americans have told us to be patient.", he remarked

On being asked to clarify, he revealed that the Indian and US authorities had been having talks.

"It is not time yet", Condoleeza Rice has told our PM. "We will tell them not to do this again. They will never be able to disobey our commands."

The ill-informed Indian Public is a problem, however. They seem to have formed the opinion, one wonders how, that this had been said before and nothing has happened. They are baying for action.

Sometimes one wonders about the publics blatant disregard for diplomatic propriety

19 comments:

Vijay said...

They are all in Afganistan getting "on the job" training...

Nandini Vishwanath said...

Sigh. I saw this video on Youtube. Its scary.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=2eEttT--TKU

So is this: http://www.rediff.com/news/2008/dec/01mumterror-some-questions-about-the-terror-attacks.htm

Sorry for bombarding you with links!

Preeti said...

Oh boy...did u see the stuff that's bein aired on Pak's News channels?

Vivek said...

I saw a comic in the Hindu paper where the PAK prez is hearing through one and letting out the other. (Other, referring to his other ear)
I don't see how ANYONE can be so dense.

buddy said...

perhaps we could send some select Indians to populate Pakistan...
These lucky few could be chosen by a vote (hey! maybe the winning party next April can go live there :D)
Contenders include mamta banerjee and jayalalithaa

Alfred E Neuman said...

In other news, Raj Thackeray said that he agreed with the Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari and that he ALSO had issues with "NON STATE ACTORS".This caught everyone by surprise. An aide had to quickly correct him by pointing out that Zardari was talking about Al Qaeda and not Amitabh Bacchan.

Ram said...

Zardari might not be the smartest, but nobody can accuse him of not being able to spot a MILF;).

You remember the Palin incident. I actually saw his interview with Larry King. I pity the guy. There are two Pakistans. The civilian and the military. The military does all the mischief and the civilian leader gets questioned.

hari said...

Terrific!! But what if they go two steps ahead of you and say they have a negative population of -50,000?

cluelessness said...

If there are 2 Pakistans, and Mr.Zaradri obviously represents only one, he should have no issues with us blowing up the other....right?

Maddy said...

hey man - if you come across the two thackreys pls land a few extra kicks on their backsides on my behalf.

zardari as you saw has no clue what he is in to. but well, the 25% man knows only that i guess.

JOSH said...

Zardari has no knowledge what's happening on his turf. The Military over there calls all the shots.

Sowmya Srikrishnan said...

Like many have said...I wonder whether the guy knows anything at all!...

and, on a different note.....am really liking these regular posts from you!!!

Anonymous said...

Excellent article:

http://pakalert.wordpress.com/2008/11/19/india-asia-new-terror-central/

Anonymous said...

naren, thought only abt u when i read this :

http://www.ndtv.com/convergence/ndtv/mumbaiterrorstrike/Story.aspx?ID=COLEN20080075194&type=opinion

narendra shenoy said...

Thanks everyone. I realize that the post was a little raw, even by my country bumpkin standards, but I've gotten to the point where I've stopped watching the news because I'd rather not pop any blood vessels in my brain. (Recent examination under an electron microscope revealed that I have one)

I've taken a policy decision not to write any more about it. The whole terror-pakistan-corrupt politician thing. Back to my sorrowful tales of domestication. Thanks for your patience and forbearance, though I realize that none of you can physically assault me, since you don't know where I live, ha ha ha

kallu said...

What a fun take on a crazy situation which the common man can't do anything about. :-))))

JOSH said...

Naren, we should thank you for atleast bringing a smile on our face.

I'm getting prepared to read your tales...Bring it on Mate...

rambodoc said...

So that is why.... I now understand the reason for the Indo-Pak stand-offs for the last fifty years.

Asmyaham said...

very well packaged sarcasm!! good one....