Sunday, December 14, 2008

Rabba Rabba

The missus and her accomplices are planning to watch a movie "Rab ne bana di jodi" which I'm trying to weasel out of. There are several reasons.

First, the Gold Medal Winner of the World Histrionic Championship (Men), Shahrukh Khan will be on screen, laying it on as thickly as he can. Luckily, the Gold Medal Winner of the World Histrionic Championship (Women), namely Kajol, won't be there in the movie but I'm sure Shahrukh will more than make up for it.

Second, it's one of those Rab or Rabba movies which means it has dangerously high doses of Punjabi. This is standard for Yash Chopra's Yash Raj Films which have, as part of the standard package, Punjab ke khet, Karva Chauth and several tonnes of Rabba, spread more or less evenly through the 3.2 hours excluding songs. I personally don't have anything against Punjabi, a language like any other, but Yash Raj Films lays it on too thick for me. Indeed, it wouldn't be going too far to call it the Yashraj Rabba Factory (YRF), which has enough Rabba to be a world supplier of automobile tyres.

And finally, after watching a few non rabba films back to back over the last week or two, I've become a wimp. No stomach for the serious rabba stuff now, especially the chorus numbers where thirty people dance in a line while the hero and the heroine profess their
1. Love for each other
2. Hatred for each other
3. Sympathy for each other
4. Devotion to God
5. Solidarity with the oppressed proletariat.
6. Support for Barack Obama

Really. A big chorus and a 9x9 matrix of dancers in a field of "Sarson" is, to YashRaj's mind, not the best way of expressing any of the above, it is the ONLY way.

Of course, this is an incoherent rant. The disgruntled murmurs of one who has been robbed of a leisurely Sunday lunch with the customary beer ("because the show is at 1.00, you silly, we don't have time. Why don't you have yesterday's rice and Amul Dahi")

I asked her if "Rabba Rabba Rabba" could be pluralized as "Rabbi" (for instance, 'fungus fungus fungus' is 'fungi'). This potentially major contribution to linguistics got a big cold stare.

I ask you!

Update! In the end, I did not go. A concatenation of several circumstances, including the need to babysit an infant, offered me an escape route which I seized with an agility surprising in someone my age. Well, missus LOVED it! And she told me the plot, which was a bit hazy because of her laughing at all the FUN Shahrukh acting as she recounted it, but the summary is as follows.

Sharukh acts like Mr. Bean
He gets married to the heroine out of a sense of duty because her entire baraat died in an accident and her father was Sharukh's masterji. The fact that the heroine has great chest measurements might have entered into the equation, apart from chivalry of course, because somehow this stuff never seems to happen if the woman in question should look like Jabba the Hut.

The keystone of the plot is the ability of the heroine to completely fail to recognize her husband by the deletion of a mustache. I am not joking. This is the carefully crafted storyline of an entire corporation full of masterly film makers. I would have wept but I'm saving my tears for the day after tomorrow, because the missus has firmly decided that I HAVE to see it, along with her. Just the two of us. No ear plugs. And definitely no blindfold.


Anonymous said...

My commiserations. When bollywood fat cats like Shah Rukh hog the movies, and women badger us into laying down the bucks to watch these turkeys, it is indeed a dogs life. And to top it all, this whole Rab making a lot a pairs business sounds fishy to me.

Idling in Top Gear said...

Rabbi? I knew it - after establishing total control over Hollywood, the Jews are now trying to take over Bollywood!

Gradwolf said...

good luck mr. shenoy! I am eagerly waiting for your review!!

perplexed said...

sorry to spoil the suspense...'the Gold Medal Winner of the World Histrionic Championship-women' makes a very short n brief appearance! oh now don't tell me you didn't expect that! n if you ended up watching the movie n going through the torture of hearing the word 'rab' a gizillion times... you have my sympathy!! ;)

Gardenia said...

Thank you! Your words give me strength. I get the feeling I'm going to be manipulated into watching this movie, or humming its songs. Aaaaaarghh!

Sid said...

Whats the latest update - did u manage to sleep like fish with eyes open?

Wonder what happened to Yash Chopra of Deewar?

How will YRF make a science fiction? Jabba dances around 3 galaxies with his girlfriend and sings "Pyaar ho gayaa - Jabba Rabba"

RukmaniRam said...

"has enough Rabba to be a world supplier of automobile tyres." heh heh!

sounds like a total yr film. i wonder why they're all becoming chick flicks... and corny ones at that too!

good luck!

chutney said...

Well, when clark kent took his glasses off and did the funky twirl with his hair, he did become Superman.

chutney said...

Well, when clark kent took his glasses off and did the funky twirl with his hair, he did become Superman.

padmaja said...

Haha!! That was funny! I'm sure you're going to hate the movie! You have to be a die-hard fan of Shah Rukh (like me ;)) to like the movie!!
Nice of you to go for your wife's sake.. My husband sure has a lot to learn from u!!

Devil Incarnate said...

I guess u wil end up watching the movie.. :)
i saw it, bt when i came out of the hall, i was totally blank. I am still wondering thinking whther i enjoyed it or not...

Cynic in Wonderland said...

Good luck aiyo. SRK trying to be amol palekar. another aiyo.

Preeti said...

i dont understand why ANYONE wud wanna see the movie...itz got SRK for rabba's sake!

bangalored! said...

I never comment, although an avid reader of your posts.. this one was brillian..
and hope you survive through the movie..good luck!


Anonymous said...

Is it possible to threaten the missus with tire consequences if she takes you to such rabbish flicks?
I saw it, and couldn't believe the level of the tripe!
Suffer, you prostrate wife-worshipper!

narendra shenoy said...

@krishashok - They should have a Geneva convention about this

@idling - Come to think of it, maybe that's why they all live in Jew-hoo

@grad - Assuming that I pull thru this alive.....

@perplexed - I quizzed missus. She has confessed. Kajol does make an appearance. But that is no ground for no watching the movie, according to her

@gardenia - Thanks for the solidarity.

@sid - yet to watch it.In a day or two, when I run out of excuses...

@rukmani - thanks for the good luck wish. I have a feeling I'll need that and more

@chutney - True. That is actually dafter than this movie because Superman does not even wear a mustache. Thin!

@padmaja - This is not voluntary. If you want your husband to go, you have to make him. Some people use force. Some blackmail. Take your pick

@devil - you must have enjoyed it. I hope.

@cynic - THanks. Amol palekar, hmmm

@preeti - you are a credit to aurat jaati if you are immune to shahrukh's "charms". High five!

@bangalored - Thanks!

@doc - Where is the sympathy you are supposed to show as per Hippocratic oath? LOL tire consequences!

Arun Sundar said...

Watching a movie and criticizing it is human. Not watching it and yet criticizing is divine!!

maxdavinci said...

rab makes jodis and put a piece of him in them as well.

Tujh me rab dikhta hai yaara main kya karu

so silly, if you see rab in your partner then all you need to do is go worship! Ask for a casket of single malt whiskey and a week of alone time on an island with a European supermodel!

Preeti said...

High-five.. ;)

Credit i am then - if only for this! he gives me sore eyes and even sore-r ears...*shudder*

Sowmya Srikrishnan said...

Jew-hoo!!!ROFL...ROFL all the way

I am your fan *bows*

Rohan said...

LOL, ridiculously funny post, esp the play on Rabba.

venkatesh said...

poor boy you are!!! my sincere condolences to you ;-)

amreekandesi said...

you sure rabbed it in with this post!

"has enough Rabba to be a world supplier of automobile tyres."

- Brilliant!

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

The wife took me to it. I survived. Some points for your consideration -

1 - the heroine does not look like Jabba the Hutt. I do. (Well, maybe more like Jabba the Florida Mansion, but you get the drift) The heroine is actually reasonably cute in a wholesome way.

2 - the heroine does NOT (alas!) have awesome pectorals. A good thing, though, given the size of her gym wear.

3 - saving grace - SRK slips into the Epileptic School of Acting only once.

4 - in this film YRF make no bones about the Pawerr uf the P'njaaab. You'll see what I mean.

Try and console yourself with some nachos in cheese sauce.


Drenched said...

*Sits down an makes a sour face*
I want to say that I liked this movie. I want to say that I still love my friends for dragging me for a first day show. I want to say that my 150 bucks did not go waste. I want to say I turned spiritual after the Rab overdose in this movie.
But I'm sorry, I have decided to give up lying. There are enough evils in this world as it is... for example, YRF's crap churning factory.
As you can see, my mental health has been severely affected. I need to go and join a dance class for this and meet my Raj who will see Rabb in me.

Escape.... Great Escape said...

he shaved his pencil mustache and so he could not be identified? Thats nothing... a Tamil hero once tied a hanky around his knee... and he could nto be identified even by the police.

gauri said...

//Second, it's one of those Rab or Rabba movies which means it has dangerously high doses of Punjabi.//

ROFL. This is outrageous! You spoke out my anxiety of the noisy soniye-kudiye movies with overacting Kiron Kher/Junejas & 40 glittering costumes in sarson ke khet, hahaha. I found this line even funnier than the automobile tire one, hilarious as that was :)

Just came across your blog from rambodoc's; loved the posts I read so far. You're an amazing combination of simplicity, style and punch. Will be back for more.


Pitu said...

"because somehow this stuff never seems to happen if the woman in question should look like Jabba the Hut."

ROFL! I actually LURVED the movie :-D