Sunday, March 15, 2009

Ah Life!

I've been hitting a rough creative patch lately, thanks to the economic and political situation and the fact that my pants are getting tighter.

They are not supposed to do that. They are supposed to see their owner diligently sweat it out in the gym and get looser. But do you think pants would have the decency to do something like that? Not on your life.

They get tighter, prompting our wife to laugh derisively and beg us to wear a belt lest our buttons burst out and injure someone. Yes, our wife can be a biting wit sometimes. Not that she doesn't let her hair down. She tends to do that on Sundays.

You see, our Sundays tend to be pretty laid back. Extremely laid back, to be precise. People frequently come to our house on Sunday mornings and hastily step out, thinking that they had accidentally entered a municipal corporation office. Ha ha. That was a joke. Right. This is the level of humor I touch when I am well fed.

For I ate what must be the most calorie filled sandwich in the world. This was at a place called "Dhiraj", a roadside stall outside Mithibai College in Juhu, an institution known for its high hemlines and low IQs. My partners in crime were, apart from my wife Sheela, cousin M.

Sheela is normally the kind of person who will say 'no' to an extra lettuce leaf, even on Sundays, and add "I think Naren's had enough, too".

I was thus pleasantly surprised to find her going hammer and tongs at the said sandwich. Which is because it is AWESOMELY delicious. It is also very large. It is made from three enormous triangular bread slices, the likes of which I've never seen before. The size of J-lo's panties, would be my guess.

The chief ingredients are boiled potatoes, cucumber and tomato (to impart the necessary vitamins, I think), grated cheese and butter, the last named ingredients liberally utilized. The entire assembly is toasted and served with a generous helping of super spicy green chutney.

Well, we ordered three of these. They were cut by the executive chef into seven pieces each. Sheela and cousin M could eat no more than 4 pieces each, leaving me with an extra 6 in addition to my 7. I am happy to report that I polished off everything.

For some people, heaven is a place with 72 virgins per inhabitant. For me heaven is a parking spot outside Dhiraj, an empty stomach and low triglycerides.

What was I saying? Ah yes, the economic and political situation. You know, I am worried. Our neighbour Pakistan is getting seriously unstable. Our politicians are making a complete pig's breakfast out of the pre-election horse trading. S&P is downgrading India to below investment level. Only our tabloid newspapers are any good. With all this stuff happening, the question that occurs to them foremost is "Is Angelina Jolie Pregnant?". Sheela of course see's nothing wrong with asking that. "Is she?" she asked me, to which I shamefacedly had to admit I did not know the answer.

Ah life!


Anonymous said...

mebbe its time to find yourself harem pants too! or hammer pants.. (male version, popularised by mc hammer)

Vivek said...

Nothing like a sandwich to liven up my Day!
Especially one that has been crafted with such care and absolutely no regard for the health-conscious!
I cant resist a visit to the Subway centre here.
A friend of mine just has a Cheese and Lettuce sub(With all the sauces)! His Reasoning is that the sauces would drip out if he added the main stuff!
C'est la vie.
(May wanna watch the expanding wasteline, or people may start cracking jokes about inflation in India)

Gradwolf said...

ROFL @ high hemlines and low IQ!

Sandwich there rocks! Another place, where, grilled cheese sandwich, I repeat, grilled cheese sandwich rocks is not in Bombay. It is in Mahabaleshwar. You might have heard of this place called Mapro, that manufactures these squash drinks with unknown fruits such as litchi. There is a cafe inside their factory/wholesale shop and over there, is that heaven. I still remember it from 1999. So, there!

Bhel Puri & Seekh Kabab said...

Dhiraj rakho, m'bhai! LOL@ J'Lo's slices

SRK said...

Is Angelina Jolie pregnant?
did she run out of countries to adopt kids from?

What's In A Name?! said...

There's this place in Ahmedabad - Dairy Den it serves the best club girll sandwich! :D Hmm.. maybe I'll have one of those todya for dinner! :D :D

And Pakistan's political situation just about makes me feel good about India's political situation.. at least we can call L K Advani an idiot and get away with it - alive! :D

Adorable Pancreas said...

So, did you find out?

narendra shenoy said...

@chokka - Ah! MC hammer! My generation

@Vivek - :D

@Grad-I gotta check this, being a connoisseur of fine cuisine such as cheese toast sandwiches

@Bhel- :-)

@SRK - :D She has quite a collection. she could start a small united nations.

@whatsinaname- Another one I must check out. Dairy den, is it?

@adorablepancreas - If I ever happen to meet her, i'm going to tell her "I'm not a gynaecologist, but I can take a look if you like"

gauri said...

LOL, gem!

//For some people, heaven is a place with 72 virgins per inhabitant. For me heaven is a parking spot outside Dhiraj, an empty stomach and low triglycerides.//

What are you complaining about? You get all that, and Mithibhai college next door. Oh hang on...I only read the '72' part. Yeah, parking spot it is.

Nice one!


Pitu said...

Hahaha! Mmm sandwich... *toddles off to kitchen*

Idling in Top Gear said...

..the question that occurs to them foremost is "Is Angelina Jolie Pregnant?" Sheela of course sees nothing wrong with asking that. "Is she?" she asked me...

Why would you know, Mr. Shenoy? What do we not know about your past? ;)

maxdavinci said...

my view is that the quality of food is defined by the level of hunger.

that explains for how ppl claim that dinghy eateries were epicurean, for that may have been the first thing they saw after a long walk/search!

just my 2 paisa!

What's In A Name!? said...

Oh, yes! And you know, it is mentioned in Chetan Bhagat's Three Mistakes of My Life.

Well, one of the mistakes of my life was to read the book, but nevertheless.. :P Dairy Den is good stuff.. And *best* icecream! :D

Maddy said...

I have been wishing wishing for that sandy since i left Bombay some 25 years ago..we used to have it at churchgate, though not toasted..

but i was wondering how you got to measure j-lo's pantie..hmm, i have to ask sheela what you are upto..

Cynic in Wonderland said...

Been there. Loved that. ( I stay across the bridge from Mithibai ahem)

You should subsequently toddle further south to Khar in one of those gulleys before Khar subway for the kala khatta to top it off.

Go a little further south for Hersheys for some sinful pastries.

By that time you will have a empty petrol tank, a full stomach and soaring tryglycerides.

ah well - if one must pop off, what better way?

Anonymous said...

See, if your triglycerides go up as a result of distractedly eating innumerable sandwiches while mentally smelling JLo's undergarments, then your wasteline is gonna go down (see how the belly tends to push down the trouser waist). Rather poetic justice for the unfair comment on the pretty young ladies of Mumbai....
Otherwise, in Pakistan, life continues behind the wail, er, veil...

K.Ramachandran said...

Actually , my initial experience with the Bombay sandwich , in 1986,was very miserable indeed. I was on a train from Chennai , and the food on all stations till Pune had looked rather bad. I was tired and hungry . At Pune station, and thereon, I was overjoyed to see countless guys selling tomato-cucumber sandwiches . But when I bit into one, it was sheer torture !! I had assumed the green stuff was Pudina chutney, this is waht is used in North India . But it was actually green chilly chutney. I finally learned to say "Bina chutney" when buying freshly made sandwiches. But this is not an option in trains , where its pre-packed.

Inderjit said...

pls update the post with the pic of the sandwich :)