Sunday, March 1, 2009

You mean there's more to babies than the production process?

My cousin M dropped by the other day with her baby who is seven months old. Naturally the talk turned to the arduous task of raising children and how the burden is always on the poor mother. Leading the discussion was Mrs. Shenoy.

I was what you might call a passive participant owing to the fact that I have little domain knowledge. How little? Well, here's a questionnaire

1. It is three am. Your baby suddenly starts crying at the top of its voice. You

a. Check if the baby needs a diaper change
b. See if the baby needs to be burped
c. Take the baby to your pediatrician
d. Go sleep in the next room

2. Your baby has just turned seven months. You can expect it to

a. Sit up on its own
b. Continue sitting on its own if you helped it sit first
c. Crawl on all fours
d. Change its own diapers

3. Breast milk is good for the baby because

a. Breast milk has the optimum nutrients
b. Breast milk gives the baby immunity against many illnesses
c. Feeding the baby breast milk bonds the baby to the mother
d. The father is not involved its preparation and supply

My honest answers in all cases would be d,d and d.

Of course, I know better than to say that. Like heretics in the time of the Inquisition, one keeps one's opinions to oneself.

As I was saying, I was a passive participant owing to my vast wisdom when it comes to whether or not I should provide evidence of my ignorance. And the talk turned to how best to discipline children, and from what age.

Sheela: I strongly believe in the Least Reinforcing Scenario

Cousin: What's that?

Sheela: When the child does something it shouldn't, you just ignore it

Cousin: That works?

Sheela: Every single time.

Cousin: And how soon can I start doing this for my baby?

Sheela: No time like the present!

Cousin: But he's just seven months old

Sheela: All the better to mould him.

Pause

Sheela: Works great on husbands too. Infact, that's where I perfected the technique in the
first place. Ha ha!

Cousin: Ha ha!

Me: Hey! When I do something stupid, you yell at me!

Pause
I disappear, amidst laughter which, if I may say so, was in very bad taste!

15 comments:

rads said...

LOl! Your MCQ's are cleverly done. If a mom answers there are more than one, and for dad it's the obvious one :-p

RukmaniRam said...

Typo in the title? I take it's because you're still fuming from the laughter?

chokkathangam said...

reminds me of a particular incident.

my father and i met the mother of a classmate of mine. one of the talkative types. she tried to converse with my father regarding how difficult it was to raise children today and lead them along the right path. In order to bail out my father, and more importantly, in order to have fun, i took up the conversation with her. "yeah very true. especially the girl children of today. easily prone to influences. must raise them carefully so that their image is kept untarnished until marriage. you know...." she could have won an oscar that day, just for manageing to keep a straight face while continuing the conversation.

narendra shenoy said...

@rads - :D Thanks!

@rukmini - Thanks for pointing out the typo! Yes, really fuming ;)

@chokka - :D!

Idling in Top Gear said...

Lol. Unfortunately, I know a bit more than a guy my age should know about babies, as almost all my cousins were born when my curiosity was at its peak- between when I was 12 and 17! However, I hope that when time comes, I will have the good sense to keep my mouth shut and not show off too much to whoever my wife is!

Anna Bond said...

*Sigh*
The life of married men. You have my sympathies, comrade.

gauri said...

LOL. To put it in your words, Enjoyed! :)

g

K.Ramachandran said...

nice one, old man !

no signal said...

D,D,D as a process of natural selection, he he.. nice one :)

Sowmya Srikrishnan said...

I heart the missus!

Cynic in Wonderland said...

hehehe.

K.Ramachandran said...

Alright , old man, please reappear now, guess they've stopped laughing . :-)

SRK said...

you seem to be posting faster than one can read and comment...

as for the post itself, I refrain from making any observations citing lack of experience :)

Pitu said...

ROFL!

Aquarius said...

really cool...and how typical of husbands....I had a good laugh :)