Saturday, April 26, 2008


Ok tagged me to write some random memories. I feel a bit silly doing this, so I'm going to be mostly pre-adolescence or, if post-adolescence, a bit selective. You see, this thing could so easily metamorphose from memories to mammaries, and one doesn't want that sort of thing, so I'm gonna be watching it like a hawk

1. My closest buddy was Raja, a year younger than me but several sizes larger and a difficult customer to overcome in disputes. Once, I was eight or nine, we had a difference of opinion and in order to resolve it in my favor, I dropped a watermelon on his head. The damage of course was entirely to the watermelon but it was one of the few times I've seen my mother really angry. I haven't dropped watermelons on anyone else's heads since(though I've come close).

2. When I was a kid, my dad used to have a Lambretta scooter on which we used to travel as a family. Dad driving, Mom sitting behind with sister, other sister yet unborn and me standing in the front holding the handlebars. I remember promising my dad that when I grew up, I would ride and HE would get to stand in front holding the handlebars.

3. We had gone to Kodai for a vacation - I must have been 12 or 13 - and for some reason, I got it into my head that it would be real cool to swim in the lake. Both my parents lovingly tried to convince me that the lake was dirty and moreover dangerous but I kept throwing tantrums like Shoaib Akhtar throws his deliveries. Fast and furious. Finally my dad got angry and started SULKING! It worked, however, and I gave up the thing, but sulking? My lads would have got a BIG earful from their mother and if for some reason, laryngitis perhaps, she couldn't deliver, I would have given my ship's fog-horn imitation. My parents are tooooo sweet.

4. I had my first drink when I was in the third semester of my engineering. It was before the fluid mechanics paper. I knew the whole thing thoroughly. Those days, I was one of the official "corpse carriers" on trips to the local bar an on the night before the FM paper, the lads dragged me along as usual. There a couple of guys decided to get me drunk. They ordered me a quarter bottle of vodka. Since I was prepared, I thought what the hell and finished it in two or three gulps, with a "haaaaa" after every gulp, just like in westerns. In approximately 20 minutes, I was feeding the earthworms and walking like the price movement of the Reliance Petroleum share. I woke up on the morrow feeling like I had a little nuclear reactor inside my head and I have no idea what I wrote in the paper. Luckily for me, the examiner seemed to have had a quart of vodka himself, because he gave me absurdly high marks. I've never figured that one out.

5. Finally, something of a "romantic" nature. I was set up with a girl, being friend of the girlfriend of a friend, for a date. We went for this movie "Tarzan" starring Hemant Birje and Kimi Katkar. She kept giving me all kinds of come-ons, nudging my hand, brushing my leg and so on, and I was petrified! I had no idea whatsoever as to what the proper reaction would be. I was terrified of being slapped and called "battameez" or whatever they call rapists in hindi. I huddled into the cocoon position and took the name of Ram. Apart from the name of the movie and the actors, I remember nothing of it. My friend was livid "What the HELL did you do to her, man? She refuses to even TALK about it!" And later when the truth came out, said friend gave disgusting amount of publicity to the matter. That was my last outing with any female not being wife, mother or sister.


Bhel Puri & Seekh Kabab said...

I too remember watching Kimi Katkar in Tarzan, marveling that she wasn't representing India in gymnastics at the Olympics, seeing as how she climbed those mountains in 5-inch stilletos; like a muslin-clad mountain goat. Alas, no date sitting next to me however; it was a bunch of us billy goats.

p.s. what do you mean "One doesn't want that sort of thing"??? Speak for yourself, man.

rads said...

rofl@last memory. Poor you! :D

Sud said...

Getting the official paul bearer drunk, the trick that never fails!

Deepthi said...

sir, my name is deepti and i was suggested to read you by laksmi bharadwaj. i really loved your work sir.

Lavanya said...

rofl! The scooter memory was precious! And where the tarzan one was concerned, my, you were quite the charmer in your younger days...;)

Anonymous said...

You wanted yr dad to stand in the front..awwwww!

maxdavinci said...

man, the lady was comin onto you and you resisted? reminds me of HR resisting horny-sherawat in aap ka suroor!

the only tarzan i know is the bo-derek version, wud luv to see the indian version, i hear ms.katkar was a bomb in those days..

Maddy said...

gosh - kimmy the cat car did not get you going? check mada beeku..

Anonymous said...

Aah Kimi Katkar!!

She and her child were at the Indian consulate in Melbourne a couple of years ago and a friend (male) of similar vintage who, like us, spent many a sleepless night pondering the outlines of her bra-less womanliness in a wet shirt from Tarzan was also there!

After gawping, stuttering, gulping and drinking from his bottle of water, you know what the sumb so and so did??

He SMS-d all of us!

We SMS-d back from our meetings, talk to her you ******ing a*******!!

But no, he chickened out.

Unknown said...

"called "battameez" or whatever they call rapists in Hindi"
Lucche, lafange, besharam, behaya, nirdayi, nirlajj and all that jazz. :P

And Kimi Katkar!! Hahahaha! A friend of mine recently sent a YouTube link to song Tarzan song in which she was biting that Tarzan's ear! Hahahahahaha! I nearly died laughing.

Anonymous said...

"She kept giving me all kinds of come-ons, nudging my hand, brushing my leg and so on, and I was petrified!"

i bet you were concentrating on the title song!

- s.b.

Never Mind!! said...

I am sure you were too distracted by Ms.Katkar to pay attention to your date. I remember wathcing this movie as a kid with my family. After about half of the movie, my dad dragged us back home :)